Why Didn't I Just Buy It?

Okay, why is it the one thing you need right at this moment is always the one thing you don't have? I have been to the craft store twice in the past two weeks and I looked at a table top easel thinking to myself, "Hey, I could really use one of those". But it was not on sale and I am cheap as dirt so I decided to wait until I had a coupon or something - like if I actually found a coupon I would remember to bring it with me to the store. Wouldn't you know it today I need a table top easel and I am kicking my own ass for not just shelling out the twenty bucks when I had the chance. To make matters worse, I went looking for one at two different stores and couldn't even find anything close to what I need. I could have saved the headache and the time if I just bought it when I had the chance. Oh well, knowing me if I had bought it I wouldn't have felt like using it and I'd be complaining that I wasted that twenty bucks on something I'm not using. I know, I'm a hard nut to crack. I don't fully understand my own neuroses. All I know is it seems like you are damned if you do and damned if you don't so you might as well have fun while your being damned! I don't think the nuns who taught me about the evils of self appreciation and merriment in general would find that the least bit funny. I think the whole point of all of my religion classes was to never have any fun 'cause if you did you'd be damned, I guess I didn't learn that lesson very well. I never was a very good student. So, I am going to go paint now without an easel. The kids come home soon and once that happens it doesn't much matter what I have or don't have because they won't stop talking long enough for it to be used anyway.

Memory Loss

Is forgetfulness catchy? 'Cause I swear I used to be pretty good at keeping things straight and just the past few months I have really been dropping the ball big time. I am very absent minded and completely unreliable. I have forgotten to pay bills - which is completely uncharacteristic of me. I absolutely hate wasting money. I have forgotten many things at school for the kids - but those were mostly during the time I had misplaced my calendar for a whole month. I catch myself slipping into Penny (that's my mom) mode every time I leave the house because I can't find my keys. They are usually in the car door or at the bottom of my gargantuan purse. Just today I forgot about a doctors appointment that Gus had. I was thinking about it all week, but when the day came it completely slipped my mind. Which is even more unfortunate because it was with one of those doctors who will charge you if you don't give enough notice to cancel. More wasted money. This is becoming kind of a habit and not a good one. I don't trust myself to remember anything. I usually have to repeat things over and over in my head until they are in there really well and if I am still not sure I will remember I will resort to writing it on my hand. Pretty sad, eh? And believe you me it's extremely hard to keep your kids from writing on their hands when you are walking around with crib notes up and down your own. I know I have had a lot going on lately, but that shouldn't give me an excuse to just screw up left and right. Why is it that mothers feel the need to do everything and when we can't we feel like such failures? I swear I try my best and I truly can't do any better - at least at this moment in time - so why do I keep kicking myself while I'm down? It's a mothers job to be concerned about every day things that affect their children but is it also their job to feel so guilty when things don't go as smoothly as we would like? Especially when it truly wasn't a matter of life and death. I need to lighten up a little bit. So I am a forgetful mom. At least I'm a mom who is here for them every day and tries to do her best. I could just give up and go gallivanting around the country making my inner child happy. I have to stop giving myself ideas. But that would just prove my bad mommy theory correct and we don't want that now, do we? Good mommy or not so good mommy the choice is mine whether it is literally translated or just the idea up in my head. I can choose to let this bother me or I can pick myself up and dust myself off and just start writing all over my hands.

World's First Scratching Fatality

Seriously, has anyone ever died from scratching themselves to death? I think I need to do some research on the subject because if no one has, I just might be the first. I swear, I can't stop! I know I should. I see the welts on my skin and I know scratching them will only make it worse. The problem is they itch so bad I really don't give a shit! I have no idea why I have hives but I do and they are hell. I went to the doctor and guess what she said? "I don't know what could be causing this". Like I do. Damn, I'm so glad I needed to pay her to tell me that she has no idea what is wrong with me. Actually, I am happy to pay her because she is the one who, even though she has no idea what is wrong with me, was able to prescribe drugs. I don't care what anybody says about drugs if they can stop the itching they are freakin' cool in my book. At least she referred me to someone who might be able to tell me what is wrong - in three weeks! Hopefully I won't have to scratch my way through that time. That would not be any fun and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have any skin left to treat by then anyway. I never had allergies as a child. Or maybe I did, but my parents never admitted it. I have slowly been acquiring them as I get older. After my second child I became allergic to every preservative known to man. Okay, that is a slight exaggeration but not by much. I'm allergic to pretty much every soap and cosmetic and shampoo. I touched a bottle of hand soap in the store the other day and my finger actually started burning. Fun, eh? Then, after I had Eddie, they finally put me on seasonal allergy medication because I was miserable pretty much all of the time. Sneezing, coughing, itchy eyes, the works! That really helps, I didn't realize I haven't been able to breathe for the last fifteen years. Breathing is a good thing. Then, last summer, I was stung by a bee and ended up with a whole body reaction that lasted a couple of days, which is what I figured this was until it lasted five days and portions of my body are so thoroughly scratched I'm not sure if they will ever recover. So, hopefully, I can stay unswollen and breathing for the next three weeks so that I can find out what is causing my body to reject it's own skin this time. Isn't life fun? You never know what it is going to throw at you and it usually does so at the most inopportune times. Like any time would be a good time for a horrible allergic reaction, I'm just saying, now is not a good time. Oh well, at least I could stop itching long enough to write this. Maybe that medicine is actually working! I'll let you know if I gnaw off my fingers while I sleep, although I'm not sure how...

I took Eddie to her first soccer practice of the year today. We didn't know where her team was so we just started walking around checking all of the teams. Of course we went the wrong way and asked six different teams before we found ours. Needless to say Ed was not happy with me. I've said many times in the past that I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box. I paid for it again because by the time we got there they had already started practice and Eddie had decided that they all knew each other and she was the one left out. She also informed me that she didn't like the fact that she couldn't be on the same team as last year. The coach came up to her and she ran away crying and hid behind a tree. It took me more than half of the practice to coax her back and get her to participate. She had every excuse in the book. She said didn't know anybody. I told her that no one knew anybody because it was a new team. She told me she had to have her pink soccer ball, so, sucker that I am, went back to the car and got her the pink ball. She still didn't want to go practice. I got her to at least go over to where they were and she came running back saying they wouldn't let her play with her pink ball. I said just go over there, they will let you play with your ball. She said she would go if I came with her. So, I went and not even three seconds after I sat down she came running over yet again and said that she had missed her turn and they were starting over. I told her if she hadn't left the line they wouldn't have skipped her. Finally the coaches must have noticed that she was favoring the pink ball so when it was her turn they made sure she used it. From that drill on she was fine. She did everything they told her to and didn't complain once. She even shared the pink ball with all of the other kids. Gee, I wonder why she thinks she can always get what she wants? I can't imagine where she would have gotten an idea like that. At least she was finally playing and having fun. We'll have to see what happens when they tell her she can't play real games with the pink ball. This should be interesting! Who knows - maybe they will make pink soccer balls regulation before long. Stranger things have happened! Princess Eddie can be very persuasive.

Memorial Day Weekend - Yay!

I am attempting something that under normal circumstances I would never do. I am going to blog under the influence. If it is anything like drunk texting, I'm in a bit of trouble. I'm sure I am going to regret this in the morning but at this moment in time, I don't really care. Hopefully there is some sort of delete button if I wake up with all of my faculties intact and decide I am a complete rambling idiot. Oh, well, here we go! Memorial Day. Oh joy, the great start of summer, the three days when one is supposed to have lots of outdoor fun and enjoy the long weekend with one's family, yeah right. I have never not fought on Memorial Day weekend. Ever. It is a very stress filled time. I always want to go away from home to some place fun. It's the start of the summer after all. I am always stuck at home. Once in a while venturing out for a couple of hours to my parents or, heaven forbid, my in-laws place. Otherwise, we just sit here, at each others throats, with the entire outdoors just steps away. I can't stand sitting inside when it is so gorgeous outside and to get the rest of my family out is like pulling teeth. I don't know why they don't realize that maybe they wouldn't annoy each other quite as much if they weren't cooped up all of the time. For some reason, even though I am the one who prepares everything any time we go away from the house it is always such a big deal. I could see if they had to do a big chunk of the packing or clean up after we get home, but they don't. All they have to do is ride along. Sounds like a no brainer to me. It's like having your own personal servant. You just say, "Oh, I would like to go to the south of France this weekend" and all of a sudden your bags are packed and you are there. If anyone knows where I can find one of those personal servants for myself could you let me know 'cause I would actually appreciate someone like that. Anyway, you would think that not having to lift a finger and then get to go on an outing would be a plus - not in my family. They will take any opportunity to complain. Just tonight Gus was saying that he doesn't get to do anything. Last night he went to a sleep over where they went clay shooting and then this morning he went miniature golfing and then this afternoon I took him and his brothers and sisters over to the dog park and let them play with all of the dogs for hours. Oh my goodness, he is so badly neglected. I don't know what to do with the lot of them. They are never happy. They are so convinced that they are the only children on the planet who are asked to do chores or somehow earn they're keep. My children flat out refuse most of the time. How that is possible I will never know. I can honestly say that had I ignored my parents the way my kids ignore me, I wouldn't be around to share this with you today. A big part of it is there are so many of them and so few of me. Another part is they know when I get busy, I can't enforce the rules. If there were another person to help enforce said rules, it might be a little better - but I digress. We're are going back into the world of day dreams again where parents work as a team and the children mind their ma and pa. Just think in a couple of weeks I get them all 24/7 for a whole three months. What fun! I can't wait! Hopefully my sarcasm is not lost in this context. I will try to have as much fun as possible, but I swear, they enjoy torturing each other. They are downstairs right now yelling about some such thing. I don't know how much longer I am going to last. I think I am just going to keep chugging along until I can't chug anymore. No, that was not a drinking reference, but it may as well be. If I am driven to drink then is it really a problem , or is it a solution? I guess that will be a question for the future generations to answer. Right now, it is a salvation. Salud!

Fear of Needles?

My lack of memory for traumatic events bit me in the ass again today. Lex had his oral surgery. Talk about an interesting experience. That is putting it mildly. He seemed okay with the entire thing. He never once said he was scared or didn't want to go. I told him in the morning that he needed to wear a short sleeve shirt and he immediately asked me if they were going to have to use a needle. I never would have made that connection, but I'm a little slow. I told him yes. They were going to have to give him medicine through his arm and he said okay. We went to the office, filled out our paperwork, and went back into the room all without incident. The doctor came in and talked to us. He said he thought we should go ahead and pull the tooth. Still no reaction. They got everything ready and the doctor told Lex "I'm going to put this numbing spray on". The second the spray hit his skin he was screaming. It was all down hill from there. The doctor tried to convince him it wouldn't be so bad if he would just sit still. I kept trying to distract him by talking about other things. Every time the guy came near him he started saying "ow ow ow" before anyone even touched him. They let him take a break and put some numbing creme on his arm which takes fifteen minutes to kick in. They also gave him the medication to calm you down, which also takes a while to work. They waited and tried it again. He was fine until they went to put the needle in. He just wouldn't stop jumping. I was holding him down and telling him if he would just stay still it wouldn't hurt. The doctor was getting a little exasperated. We all knew if he would just stop for thirty seconds he wouldn't have to be so upset. They had to stop again. This time I turned the lights down and told him to go to sleep. They put the numbing creme on his other arm and left for another fifteen minutes. This time he actually fell asleep and when the doctor came back he only had to try about three times before he got it in. They sent me out of the room to pull the tooth and less than five minutes later they called me back in. It took him another 35 minutes to wake up after the anesthesia. At least it was finally over. The last hour I was there my phone was pretty much vibrating non-stop. I told the kids I wouldn't be home and they needed to tell their dad if they needed anything. I guess he wasn't around or listening or something 'cause they just kept calling. I tried calling during the five minutes I had and they had some stupid argument going on about a video game or something. When the technician told me to come back Eddie was on the line saying she wanted ice cream or something. When will I learn my lesson? I finally got home around 5:30 and Lex was running around like nothing happened. I actually had to tell him to slow down because I was afraid he was going to fall over from the medication. It's amazing what your mind can do and what it can keep you from doing if you let it. Lex certainly didn't mean to be such a pain in the ass. He truly couldn't help it. Once it was over he was back to his old self. He is ready to take on the world as long as it doesn't involve anyone putting any needles in his arm!

Procrastination...

I am sitting at the car repair place. I waited way too long for my oil change. There are a lot of things above car maintenance on my list of things to do like get a root canal or bee sting to the eye. I only go when it is absolutely necessary. I don't like waiting around for it and it usually doesn't take enough time to actually go home and possibly get something done. I guess I could go for a walk, but that would be way too ambitious. Plus I have princess with me and she isn't a walker. I know, it is shocking. A man stopped me at preschool about three weeks ago and told me I should have my tire checked. He thought there was a nut rolling around in the wheel well or maybe something more serious. Anyway, since then I have heard that noise every time I drive. You would think I would have taken it in then because I needed an oil change at that time too, for some reason things like that just don't go away on their own, but I didn't. Hopefully it isn't anything too serious. If I can get out of here at a decent time this will be the first day all week that I haven't had to run all day. We'll have to see if I take advantage of the time. Oh, who am I kidding? I won't! My time management skills rank up there with my five year old, or a monkey with ADHD, or something equally spastic. I don't get a whole lot done and the fact that I am worrying about not getting anything done might have something to do with why I'm not getting it done. I need to be happy with what I accomplish and stop worrying about what is left unfinished. Easier said than done, I know. It is hard to achieve anything when you are the poster child for procrastination. I can't for the life of me figure out why, I guess I'll just have to work on that later.

Summer at the Park?

Eddie graduated from preschool today! I had a very small tinge of sadness but then I came to my senses and did a little happy dance. Even though I love her dearly, it is much easier to enjoy her when she is not under my feet 24/7. I know it is hard to believe but she can be slightly high maintenance. Who knew? Next stop - kindergarten. She is more than ready and so am I! Now, if I can just get through the summer. We have a bunch of plans with summer schools and overnight camps, and sports. Hopefully they will be better occupied and not at each others throats like they were this winter. Seven people in such close proximity for months at a time can really wear on ones nerves as I'm sure you can tell. I am going to try to keep a positive attitude for at least the first few hours into our summer vacation.

I found the coolest place today. I knew there was a dog park in the area so I decided to look for it. I don't know what I was expecting but certainly not what I found. It is way back in the woods with trees everywhere and there are fenced in runs for the dogs. I didn't have my dog along, but I did have a couple of my kids and we found trails that went on for what seemed like forever though the woods. The boys had a blast running ahead of me and picking which way we should go. The trail followed a creek with waterfalls and fallen trees, and sunlight peeking through the branches. I wished I had grabbed my camera out of the car. The whole experience reminded me of when I was a kid and we used to go up north and my dad would just let us run around in the woods. He would walk around planting trees and trimming brush. My sisters and I would walk down by the creek. They would tell me stories about how there was quicksand on the creek bed and a long time ago whole teams of horses disappeared into them. I used to cry myself to sleep because I felt so bad for the poor horses. I was a pretty gullible back then. Okay, you caught me, I still am. I have a feeling it's a good thing I have a selective memory or I might be a little messed up in the whole trust department. Which I obviously am not, am I? I can't be sure since I don't let anyone do anything unless I know they are going to do it right, but that doesn't mean anything does it? Anyway, I can't wait to bring Langy to the park. The kids were fun, but people looked at me a little funny when I let them off leash.