Football Can't Be That Bad...Stop Snoring!!

What can I say, I have had an entire week sans my kids...haven't gotten much accomplished. I am hoping that soon I will figure out what I am doing wrong and get back on track...if I ever was on track...that is. I can't imagine how I can get motivated. That might be one of my problems. I thought I had a pretty good imagination too. That can't be good. Max's football team had an away game in Sturgeon Bay. Notice I didn't say Max went to his football game. Yesterday after school I picked him up for football and he refused to go. I assumed this was one of his daily tantrums and he would eventually get ready and go. He didn't. I wasn't about to drag him out the door, so I called a friend and told him that Max wasn't coming to practice. At five thirty I finally talked him into going with me to the parent meeting that they were having after practice.When we got there I asked him if he was going to stay in the car and he said yes. When the boys finish their practices they always do a cheer where they pound on their pads and yell. I looked at Max in the car and he was doing it right along with his team. The kid likes football and I can't for the life of me figure out why he is fighting playing it so hard. So, anyway, this morning surprise surprise he said he wasn't going to his game. I was so tired of fighting with him I said fine, but that means that no one in the house is to do anything remotely fun. No video games, no movies, no computers. I thought maybe, just maybe, if he saw his actions were not only affecting him, but the entire house as well, he would go. No such luck. He still refused to go. So, I headed out giving the entire family explicit instructions not to let Max do anything that they knew I would disapprove of. I went to meet the bus at St. Jude's and ended up riding with some friends. We had a great time on the ride and at the game. Max called about half way through asking what was going on. I told him the score and that I would be home after the game. Gus called a little while later and asked if they pick up in the basement if they could have the video games back. I said there was no way they were getting anything back before I got home. A little while after that Chip called me. "When are you going to be home"? he asked. I said, "The game is only half over, I'll be home after it's done and we drive home". You would think he could have figured that one out on his own. Guess not. Despite my many interruptions I actually had a nice time at the game. When I arrived home, however it was an entirely different story. All the kids were fighting and complaining. They wanted to be able to play their video games. I made them clean up the mess they made while I was gone.Their dad was home, by the way, but sleeping, the entire time. I did let them on for a while because they did what I said, but then they started fighting again so I had to take it away again. This was my entire day. Fighting and punishing until I woke Chip up at four and made him get us some pizza. That appeased them for a few minutes. Long enough for me to catch a little sanity. We watched a movie together as a family for the first time in months and then when I told Chip I was going to go out for awhile he started in on the fact that I should stay home and spend some time with him. I was home the majority of the day with him, he just happened to be sleeping, is that my fault? According to him, yes. So, long story longer, I'm out and writing this. I guess I am just a bad mom and wife for needing sometime when there aren't six people constantly vying for my attention, or snoring in spite of it.

Manys Paths To Hell

Labor Day. Wow. What can I say. I am obviously a major slacker. No, I take that back, I think I am just a very busy person who has had way too many children in her house over the past two months to do much of anything except try to keep her head above water. That would be another one of my idiosyncrasies...drowning. I am terrified of drowning and I have felt as though I were drowning in my own self doubt for a very long time. Why do people have such low opinions of themselves? I know I am capable of so much more than I am doing now, but for some reason I have convinced myself that this is all life has to offer. I need to just give up and deal with what I've got which, in my opinion, is a very real version of hell. It is really hard to break through glass ceiling you create for yourself. To be able to swim through all of the crap everyone else has thrown into your pool of self-doubt and figure out what is real and what is fantasy is very difficult. I was always told to not trust my own opinions. I should listen to others because they are more knowledgeable or somehow better than me. Personally, I think I have a lot of good opinions and I am pretty self sufficient in my own right. So why, of all people, wouldn't I know what's best for me? I keep listening to everyone telling me what I need to do and what I need to think and I don't buy any of it. I think everyone, at least a lot of people I know, are of the opinion that same is good and change is bad. Maybe I like change. It may be scary, but at least it isn't a stagnant black tar sucking you down into the dark abyss. Start living life for you and not for other people. They may not have your best interests at heart. They may even have their own selfish plans or ulterior motives that they need fulfilled. To each their own, but I don't need to be any one's stepping stone to their own demise. If I choose to go down it will be on my terms and I'll do it with a smile on my face. There are many paths in life and it's time to choose.

What the Hell...Flying Cake!!

I have had an entire summer to figure out what the hell I am doing and I am no closer to figuring that out than I was two months ago. I must admit that my summer was much better than I had anticipated. I figured the kids would drive me nuts and I would be completely fried by the time it was over. For some reason, believe it or not, we had a lot of fun. I was almost sad when the kids went back to school. I got over it pretty quickly. Today was Eddie's golden birthday. She had been promised a little trampoline by her dad about a month ago which should have left plenty of time to order it and have it ready for her birthday. But since he was the 'promiser' her birthday has come and gone without a present in sight. Not that I'm an angel...I have also disappointed the kids on occasion. But I knew the second he told her she could have one for her birthday that he was gong to blow it off like he does everything else and she would be left without anything. It happens the vast majority of times that he promises someone something. I guess they should be used to it by now. She has been bugging the crap out of him ever since to take her to the store and get her one. Normally I would tell her to stop making her daddy feel bad, but I'm not going to this time. Maybe sometimes people should feel bad for their actions. If they don't then they will never change, right? I went out on Friday and got Eddie a princess cake. Today I was carrying it across the kitchen and it slipped right out of its packaging and launched itself onto the kitchen counter. She was not pleased with me, to say the least. In my defense it was just part of the cake because we had celebrated her birthday the night before. She didn't care. It was still the biggest tragedy of her life up to that point. Until I screw up again, of course. Eddie has a lot of tragedies. Probably hundreds a day. I have lost count. Thank goodness she has started school. I am so very excited to see what comes of this year. If I can't fix things without children underfoot then I guess there is no hope for me. We will just have to wait and see. Wish me luck!!