Mother's Day Mayhem

It's almost Mother's Day. I'm not sure what that means anymore. You would think that it would be a day to honor your mother and show her how much you appreciate what she does for you - but it's not. Somehow it has become another one of those holidays that I tend to approach with caution. It's all about who is going to show up and what are they going to bring and why did you bring me this when you should have known that I wanted that? That's not even taking into consideration that I, myself, am a mother and I get to run around all day like a chicken with my head cut off trying to please the unpleasable. Is it called Mother-In-Law's Day? No, it is not. I'm all for the obligatory flowers and the card sent from far, far away, but when did it become a day you have to spend with your extended, extended family? Once you have your own kids shouldn't you be able to decide what Mother's Day should mean for you? If you enjoy running from house to house then by all means do it, but I do not enjoy the running and believe I should have the option not to. A nice day at home with my kids without fighting - now that would be a wonderful gift. A little breakfast in bed, a few extra chores done without the scream factor, that would be perfect. All any mom ever wants for their children is for them to be happy. I don't think behaving for one day a year is all that much to ask. A little pampering wouldn't hurt, but there I go slipping into my little dream world again. I suppose I could lead by example and make sure the children do something special for Father's Day, but where would be the fun in that? Maybe it is a yin-yang thing. Karma can be a bitch. Anyway, every year I hold out hope for a nice, relaxing, stress-free day and every year I get the rude awakening that my fantasy of a perfect family is so very far from reality it isn't even funny. I should just thank my lucky stars that we are not on Dr. Phil or something. Who knows the way things have been going lately that might be our next stop.

Soccer Season

Last night I had my first of many soccer nights. Over the next couple of weeks the kids will get their soccer schedules and find out who their coaches are and what fields they are going to play at. Luckily, Gwen declined to play this year or I would have two traveling kids which I could not handle. As it is, I have one traveling and two at two different parks the whole season and then Gus is in baseball. I was such an optimist when I said I ccould handle the kids by myself. I forgot about soccer season. Last night we missed dance class because Max had his first soccer practice and he was really excited. I made him promise that he would go next week because it is his last practice before the recital. At least dance will be over soon. I don't know why all of this stuff is always such a surprise. Every year we do the same things and every year I am completely unprepared when the time comes. I am always thinking I have all of the time in the world. We were discussing the schedules last night and here is what was decided. Chip gets to go to all of Max's games and I get the rest. I guess I should be happy he is taking anyone, right? I could be stuck with the disappointing stares of four kids instead of just three. I should stop complaining, this is how it has always been. I really don't mind driving them around otherwise I wouldn't have signed them all up. I actually get them to most of their games - on time even! It is just hard when you count on help and you can't get it no matter how much you need it. Maybe I'm the subject of some really cruel experiment where I'm being subjected to total insensitivity to my daily wants and needs just to see how long it will take me to crack. At least if that were the case, I would have an endpoint to look toward, but alas, I do not. The worst part is I am probably looking for something that doesn't even exist - so what is the point? According to the powers that be, I am just being too picky and sensitive. My biggest mistake was letting things go so far that they seem completely irreversible. Oh well, at least I will be too busy to care much over the next couple of months. That doesn't give me much solace. Yay, me!

No Thank You, Ma'am

Here is an example of how the simplest acts of kindness can make a persons day. This is going to sound so very silly but I hate being called Ma'am. I absolutely hate it. I don't know when I became a Ma'am, but the first time someone called me that I died a little inside. I thought, oh well, it's all downhill from here. And that was quite a long time ago. I realize people are just trying to be respectful and it is a very appropriate word to use when referring to someone of my age but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I also don't like to be called Miss anymore, I used to like it but there came a point when it started to sound condescending. Like they were trying to spare my feelings by calling me Miss when I was so obviously a Ma'am. It is like saying something is really cute when it is clearly the ugliest of the bunch, your trying to be kind, but it just makes it more obvious. I may be totally off on this one, but Starbucks has a new customer in me for one of the most bizarre reasons ever. It has nothing to do with their coffee or the cleanliness of their stores, or the speed of their service. I go back to that particular Starbucks because the drive through guy calls me Hon. I love it. Maybe I was a southerner in a past life. I think it is a wonderful substitute for the elderly Ma'am and the condescending Miss. I guess not everyone could pull off a Hon but I wish more people would try. I am in a good mood in the rain - that is a big accomplishment for me and it all started with a "have a good day now, Hon"!

Can You Say OCD?

I'm trying to paint a portrait of my mom's dog Holly. I realize I don't know how to paint but I thought, how hard could it be, right? Wrong. The farther I get, the more wrong it is. I should have just left it as a blank canvas and told her to paint her own dog. My mom can paint, I, sadly, cannot. I guess it would have helped had I ever taken a class in oil painting in my life. I am just going by what I saw my mom do when I was a kid. I guess I should have paid closer attention. The worst part is the damn thing is calling to me as we speak. I can't stop thinking about it. I am convinced that I can do it if I just keep at it. I get like that. If I start something I have to finish it. I have the world's worst addictive personality. Not a whole lot of the behaviors stick, but when I'm into them I have to do them all the time. Like this entry, now that I've started it, I have to finish it even though that means that I will be thinking about the stupid picture the entire time. What the hell, no wonder I can't get anything done. It takes me so damn long and I have to be so obsessed with everything. I can't stop thinking about them until they are done and they are never done so I must be thinking about a million things at any given time. Whatever, I need to take some kind of art class. But like everything else, I am afraid that I have no talent and they will laugh me right out the door. Why would they do that? They get their money, they are not going to laugh at someone just because they have no talent. And I might just have some talent, so why can't I just go and find out? Because I am so afraid to fail at anything, that's why. It is the same with everything else, if you fail to try, then you don't know what you could have been able to do. Not trying something because you are afraid to fail is the story of my life. I have been so afraid that people are going to laugh at me or worse yet tell me I suck at something I thought I was good at. I feel the need for everyone to like me and what I do, but that is such as unrealistic goal. If I don't try to impress anyone then I haven't failed, right? I think I need to stop trying to please everyone and worry about pleasing myself. How do I expect to be a productive person when I can't see past the here and now? I need to look forward to the future and see what I want to be doing whether or not it is what other people want for me and whether or not it is something that I think other people would like. I need to do something for me and enjoy doing it and then maybe the rest will all fall into place. If it doesn't at least I had fun trying. I've got to go look at the stupid painting again and see what I can do to fix it. OCD? What's that? I'm not obsessed at all. I can control it anytime I want. Yeah right! Gotta go!

Trophy Wife

Maybe I should become a trophy wife... stop laughing...are you done? I'm just saying it's not a bad gig. Although at my age in order to be one I would probably have to marry someone who is well over eighty! But look at it this way, at least I wouldn't have to put up with him for more than twenty years or so. Better yet, I'll find one who's ready to kick the bucket! If you think about all of the horrible jobs out there and the amount of work involved it would be a cake walk. If you could shove aside the whole morality issue, that is. Why is extravagant amounts of money so important to people? It seems to me that it sometimes causes more trouble than anything else. People get a taste of the good life, and they will do anything to keep it. I guess that's why we have morals, otherwise we lose sight of what is important, the goodness and kindness in people. I could care less what someone does for a living. Or what they do in private, for that matter, as long as they are decent on the inside. It is pretty easy to tell the good people from the not so good people. The good people are not the ones running around trying to make their good deeds known. They are the ones who on a day to day basis make good decisions trying not only to improve on their lives, but on the lives of others as well. Good people are all around you if you take the time to look. They maybe at the the store, or at a restaurant , or even the janitor at your hotel. They are less often found at the country club or the fancy fundraising fetes. Money makes the world go round, but at what cost? I can tell you this, if I were a trophy wife I would make darned sure to pass a little of my good fortune on to some of those women working their asses off for a whole lot less than they deserve and hope that by doing so I would give her the chance to feel that there are still a few good people out there and you can find them if you just take some time to look.

Divide and Conquer

A girl could get used to this! I think I have been going about all of this the wrong way. I need to divide and conquer. The kids are so much easier to handle when they are not all together. I always feel like I have to be at everything they are doing along with everyone else. Why? I spend so much time with them, I think it may be too much time. They expect me to be everywhere and I just can't be and it stresses me out. It would be better for me to go to some of their things and be in a good mood than to be at all of their things, but in a bad mood. Not everyone needs to be at every event. Take this weekend for example. Gus' baseball season snuck up on me. We had all planned on going to Stevens Point for the dance competition together but on Friday morning, yes, the day we were supposed to leave, I went to check to see if he had any practices while we were going to be gone and low and behold his first game was that very night. I have never claimed to be an organized person, but this was a major oversight even for me. I had two rooms reserved and had started packing. I hurried to cancel the second room. Luckily, it was an idiot approved hotel and they didn't charge me. I was quite upset at first, because of my stupidity, mostly, but the more I thought about it, I started to get excited. I was looking forward to a weekend without all of the family. This trip is stressful enough without having to worry about everyone. So, other than my bad planning skills, it all worked out for the best. If Chip is willing to take on a little more responsibility and I am willing to take on less, it may just be kind of pleasant, I say as I'm relaxing at the pool. I reserve the right to change my mind at any time and probably will as soon as the kids start bugging me for something or if that kid across the pool doesn't stop that ear piercing scream. I have a very low screaming and, for that matter, whining tolerance. I can't stand either. I don't know if my kids don't do it because I discouraged it or if they just aren't that annoying, but Eddie is falling into the perpetual whining trap. Practically every time she asks for something it is in a whine. I ask her to stop and she says she isn't whining she's just talking. That is a ridiculous argument to have with a five year old because they have whine resistant ears. To them it does sound like they are talking normally - they are not - but I digress. Well, I guess the lesson learned for today is to not feel so guilty when I can't make it to everything my children are involved in and to not make family participation mandatory. Family togetherness is wonderful-to a point. I'm beginning to believe that there is a fine line between loving to spend time with your family or hating that time. Hopefully I can find that line and stop crossing it.

adult swim

I'm sitting in a hotel in Stevens Point trying to keep Max from watching adult swim. He doesn't even know why he isn't supposed to watch it but he's mad that I won't let him. I swear he just gets upset because he can. He has no idea what he's missing but the fact that I say no makes it that much more appealing. He is sitting in the other bed grunting. They have to be up at 6 am so we can be to the competition by 7:30. I said if they go to bed on time tonight, they can do what ever they want tomorrow. I think that was a mistake. They will probably stay up late tonight and then tomorrow too. Whatever, as long as I get to sleep on time. They should be OK, at least in the morning then I will pay for it in the afternoon. I am just happy to be out of the house! I can't believe I am at a hotel with just two of the kids, this is like a real vacation. We had a very nice drive over here and we had a wonderful dinner - besides the fact that they both ordered something they didn't like. I'm not used to the quiet, but I do like it! They didn't even beg to go swimming because we are going to be here until Sunday. Eddie actually said she would rather have a bath tonight and swim tomorrow. Where are my kids? Someone must have come and replaced them with cheap rule following replicas! This is proof positive that they have the potential to be really good when they want to be. Eddie has finally fallen asleep and I told Max he could watch whatever he wanted and he is watching the show I had put on for him - I don't know for how long. Okay, not very long, he just changed it. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt even when I'm pretty sure they don't deserve it! At least he didn't throw a fit. A few grunts are acceptable as long as that's as far as it goes. We'll have to see what happens tomorrow, I mentioned to Max that maybe we should do something fun, like sightseeing, while we are here. My kids don't even know what that is. The few places we ever go we drive straight there, hang out in the room or go directly to where we came to go and then promptly head home. We have a full day and a half, if we so choose, to just bum around! I'm so excited. We probably won't do anything, but at least we have the option to. That wasn't so bad, a few minutes after he changed the channel he was sleeping. I know if I hadn't let him change it he would still be huffing every few minutes just to let me know he is not happy. Yay! They are both sleeping at a reasonable time and hopefully will be well rested for tomorrow. Now for me, I also have a habit of staying up way too late. This adult swim is pretty funny...