Can You Say OCD?

I'm trying to paint a portrait of my mom's dog Holly. I realize I don't know how to paint but I thought, how hard could it be, right? Wrong. The farther I get, the more wrong it is. I should have just left it as a blank canvas and told her to paint her own dog. My mom can paint, I, sadly, cannot. I guess it would have helped had I ever taken a class in oil painting in my life. I am just going by what I saw my mom do when I was a kid. I guess I should have paid closer attention. The worst part is the damn thing is calling to me as we speak. I can't stop thinking about it. I am convinced that I can do it if I just keep at it. I get like that. If I start something I have to finish it. I have the world's worst addictive personality. Not a whole lot of the behaviors stick, but when I'm into them I have to do them all the time. Like this entry, now that I've started it, I have to finish it even though that means that I will be thinking about the stupid picture the entire time. What the hell, no wonder I can't get anything done. It takes me so damn long and I have to be so obsessed with everything. I can't stop thinking about them until they are done and they are never done so I must be thinking about a million things at any given time. Whatever, I need to take some kind of art class. But like everything else, I am afraid that I have no talent and they will laugh me right out the door. Why would they do that? They get their money, they are not going to laugh at someone just because they have no talent. And I might just have some talent, so why can't I just go and find out? Because I am so afraid to fail at anything, that's why. It is the same with everything else, if you fail to try, then you don't know what you could have been able to do. Not trying something because you are afraid to fail is the story of my life. I have been so afraid that people are going to laugh at me or worse yet tell me I suck at something I thought I was good at. I feel the need for everyone to like me and what I do, but that is such as unrealistic goal. If I don't try to impress anyone then I haven't failed, right? I think I need to stop trying to please everyone and worry about pleasing myself. How do I expect to be a productive person when I can't see past the here and now? I need to look forward to the future and see what I want to be doing whether or not it is what other people want for me and whether or not it is something that I think other people would like. I need to do something for me and enjoy doing it and then maybe the rest will all fall into place. If it doesn't at least I had fun trying. I've got to go look at the stupid painting again and see what I can do to fix it. OCD? What's that? I'm not obsessed at all. I can control it anytime I want. Yeah right! Gotta go!