Bunny Needs To Have Her Head Examined

Here's the picture. Eleven fifty-five on the eve of Easter. I was about to make my cornbread for Easter dinner when I realized I didn't have any eggs. I had 36 of them but they were all hard boiled - oops! I looked through the ingredients and realized I needed a few more things, so I drove to the Time Sucking Black Hole that is Walmart. Before I left I told Max he needs to get some sleep 'cause I wanted him to be well rested for Easter dinner with Grandma. He, of course, said he would. One thing led to another and an hour and a half later I was leaving Walmart with more than a few things that were not on my list. I get home and guess who's still up? Everyone else is fast asleep and he's sitting there drinking a fully caffeinated Diet Coke. Wonderful. I proceeded to make my cornbread and do my last minute tasks which was pretty much everything because I am a bit of a procrastinator. I know, big surprise. Max was being very helpful. I kept telling him to go to sleep so he could be on his best behavior for Grandma, he kept putting it off. Finally around 2 am I told him I was going to bed thinking that if I go to bed he would fall asleep and I could get down to the business of Easter Bunnying. I checked my e-mail, watched a couple of TV shows, by now I am thoroughly exhausted but I am not going to ruin my child's Easter so I continued to wait him out. Finally, at 4 am - yes I said 4 am - the dog comes running upstairs which means Max finally let go of him when he fell asleep. I snuck downstairs, gathered all of the baskets and treats and hunkered down in the bathroom - cause I could lock the door - and proceeded make everything Easter Bunnyized. Half an hour later I have my fully packed baskets ready to hide. I went out to the front yard and hid the plastic Easter eggs. I creatively placed the baskets and just because I'm a glutton for punishment, made up more eggs and hid them in the back yard. The entire time I was thinking about how cool this would be if I were a kid. I finally slid my exhausted ass into bed around 5am. I went directly to sleep. At 7 am I hear Lex running through the house yelling "I know where every body's Easter baskets are"! He proceeded to wake everyone up and followed them around giving them very leading clue's to the whereabouts of their baskets. Surprise, surprise this began pissing them off because they wanted to find the baskets on their own. I, of course, was listening to all of this from my bed because I certainly hadn't actually gotten my ass up and out of it yet. I kept drifting in and out of a sleep. Suddenly a fierce argument about why Lex got the Ninja Gingerbread Man Wii game and Max got he stupid Penguin Wii game erupted. Max has always loved Penguins, but I guess the Easter Bunny should have known that he wanted the Ninja Gingerbread Man game instead. The fighting went on for the next hour until Lex finally gave in and said he would trade with Max. Problem solved - right? Wrong. The next time I came to, I was listening to Lex tell me that Max had gone outside and was cheating on the Easter egg hunt. I asked how does one cheat on an Easter egg hunt? He said Max was looking for all of the eggs so that when everyone went out he would already know where they are. I rolled over and went back to sleep. A few minutes later Max came up and said Dad was going to start the Easter egg hunt - whoa! When did dad start getting credit for the Easter Bunny duties?!? Needless to say, I was up for the day. I proceeded to go downstairs to watch them. Chip told the kids to go and find one egg each, come back, and then they could go out for another. Max decided that he was above the rules again and started taking all of the eggs. Eddie freaked, Lex started crying, I decided to go in the house because I had had enough egg hunting watching for a while. A few minutes later, Gus came in crying. He was trying to help get the eggs back and Max got mad at him. Total chaos. Eventually everyone calmed down. I kept asking why they thought that fighting over Easter eggs on Easter Sunday was an okay thing to do. Nobody seemed to understand that this was a problem. Eventually I got everyone dressed and ready for dinner at their Grandma's house. Believe it or not, they were very good for the time we were there. Which is cool 'cause if they weren't, this story would be even longer. I mentioned the fact that I had hid Easter eggs on the front lawn too, right? Well, when we got home Max decided to pick up all of those eggs before anyone else had the chance causing yet another fight. My point with this whole long and drawn out story - besides the fact that Max needs more sleep - is that even though I try to make things perfect for my kids and they may not appreciate the things that I do, I know that eventually they will see that I tried my best and hope that it was good enough to leave them with memories that they will want to recreate with their own kids. Sometimes it is easier to just give up and not bother trying to keep them believing in childhood fantasies, but then I would have gotten plenty of sleep and wouldn't have had anything to write about! Kids are not the easiest things in the world to figure out but I am willing to sacrifice a little sleep to try to preserve a little innocence if only for a few fleeting moments in time.

How Can You Be Bored?

I'm pretty sure that without my family, I would be a vegetable. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but I certainly wouldn't have much going through my brain. When they aren't around I don't think about much. When they are around, all I think about is them. I wonder if given a chance my mind would eventually start thinking for itself again or if I would just sit here thinking of nothing. Weird. I am short three kids and after all of my complaining about them, I am sitting here, not sure what to do with myself. I should just enjoy myself, right? okay, I'm going to try... Nope, still kinda bored. Maybe I should take up meditation or something to channel my thoughts, if I have any that is. You always want what you can't have and when you finally get what you want you don't know what to do with it. Not that I'm not enjoying the quiet, I am, but I think I have gotten used to being on high alert and when there is nothing to be alarmed about it almost worries me. Now how bizarre is that? Babbling is apparently my forte today. I am really going to enjoy my calm afternoon and stop wondering why I'm not enjoying it more. Life is what it is, right?

Speaking of being bored, I went to Appleton to drop off Eddie and Lex at Stacy's house. She would be the slightly insane woman who actually asked for two of my children to spend the night at her house. I asked the boys if they wanted to come along. They, of course, said no. I told them Appleton is a half an hour away, I wouldn't be home very soon. They said they wanted to stay. I said we could play at a park near their aunt's house. They said they would be fine. So I, against my better judgement left them happily watching their TV shows. I actually made it all the way down to Appleton and was able to visit for about two minutes when my phone started vibrating. I answered and Gus said "Hey mom, where are you". I said "I'm at your aunt house, why"? He proceeded with "Well why aren't you home"? I answered "I told you I would be gone for at least an hour and a half. Why, what do you need"? "We're bored"he said. Whatever.

Princess Envy

Why do I set myself up for failure? I would be better off just accepting a sucky life than expecting things that just aren't going to happen. I have always been a dreamer. When I was a little girl I always thought I would grown up to be a really well kept woman. I had visions of cooks, and drivers, and the all important maid. I wouldn't have to do anything except what made me happy. I would have gardens, and a mansion with a library that had a rolling ladder to the towers of books, and my own grounds with ponds and fields to enjoy (yes I have really thought this through). My children were going to be well-rounded, schooled at the finest academies, raised with horse riding lessons and piano lessons and foreign language lessons. We were going to be a very happy and obviously wealthy family. I know this was not attainable, but as a little girl, I sure thought it was. My mother had me completely convinced that this was my lot in life. She was always talking about the finer things and I will admit my childhood was quite comfortable. I never went without any necessities. We stayed at really nice hotels, shopped in really nice stores, vacationed in really nice places, but what I failed to realize was that unless you are born into money, which I was not, you really have to work your ass off to get it. I suffer from princess envy. I think I deserve things just because I am me. It never even occurred to me to work for it. I see women every day who don't work and it seems as though they have everything that I want. I don't know if they do or not but I need to stop living with the expectation of something that I am never going to achieve and start working toward a goal that is realistic. I don't need all of the fancy things, but I do need to start investing in the quality of life that I have. I know I am very lucky to have all that I do, but a girl can still dream, can't she?

Waiting for Asshole

This one is just me being neurotic. Why do I wait for him? Every night starting at 5:30 my life revolves around him.When is he going to be home, is he going to want to eat, is he going to be in a good mood? The list goes on and on. I know I should just do what ever I need to do, but for some reason I can't. I have to wait until he's home and then I fixate over what he needs. Over the past weeks I have not given a rat's ass where he was and I was very productive and happy. Now after only a day I am back in my rut of waiting and waiting for someone who really could care less about any of the things that I feel he cares about. I don't know if this is what I think a good wife should do, or if I think this is what he would want me to do, but I have to stop it. I am constantly thinking about whether he isn't coming home because of something I did or if he is lying dead on the side of the road. Logically he is just working late, but in my twisted mind I can't believe that. I always have to have some other reason for his behavior. I don't know why I think men are so deep. Most of them are not. I know mine isn't. He just doesn't think about things the way I do. He doesn't understand that when he's not home on time it drives me nuts, even though once he gets home I act like I didn't need him to be home or I complain that his being home has somehow caused a problem that didn't exist while he was not home. No wonder men and women are always complaining about each other. Just by being we drive each other nuts. I need to stop fixating on imaginary roles for myself and concentrate on doing what I need to do to be a happy productive person.

I think I would go completely insane if not for my kids. I can be at the end of my rope ready to throw in the towel and all of a sudden they say something so off the wall I have to laugh. For example Eddie kept asking and asking for a slushie at the drive-thru window. I told her they were expensive and I didn't want to spend that much on something she wasn't going to finish. She kept asking and I kept saying no. Finally after many promises that she would finish the whole thing I agreed to buy her one. She ordered a strawberry slushie from the girl at the drive- thru who, by the way, had to listen to our entire inane conversation about slushies. When it came Eddie was so excited she thanked me over and over again. I handed it to her, she took a sip and said, 'This tastes like gunk. I am going to drink it all up, but it tastes like gunk.' I asked her what she meant by it tasted like gunk and she said it was slushie bushie. I guess that was supposed to explain everything. After a few more questions I learned that slushie bushie meant that the girl must have made it too slushie and all of the flavor was whipped out. I decided that this story alone was worth the two bucks for the drink which, by the way, is still sitting in my car completely full. So, for all of you out there who ever wanted to know if slushie bushie was a good thing - we now know, it is not.

Baseball is as Exciting as Watching Paint Dry

Yet another sacrifice we make for our kids. I am sitting in an informational meeting for baseball. I am not a baseball fan, if I had my choice I would never sit through an entire game. But my little boy has decided that baseball is his thing. I'm not sure if he decided this just because there was too much running in soccer or if he truly likes the sport. It doesn't really matter. He has committed so now I am a 'just while my sons playing' baseball fan. Soccer games are fast paced and exciting. Baseball games are kind of like watching paint dry. The only edge of your seat time is when your kid is playing but that lasts all of five seconds per inning and then you get to watch him in the dugout spitting and readjusting himself. These are purely my opinions. I'm sure there are many many people who actually enjoy the sport, but I can't imagine why. Parent involvement in these things is unbelievable. I always thought that sports were for the children. It almost seems like these parents are so into living their children's lives that they all but put the little uniforms on and run the bases. Maybe when they were kids they didn't get to play or their coaches yelled at them too much. Overprotective parents are not the exception anymore they are the norm. I don't fit that mold. I am too lazy to be overprotective. I'm barely protective. Oh who are we kidding, I rarely give a shit. Hopefully my kids will see it as it was - letting them experience their childhoods themselves. Enjoy!

I Love Mondays

Monday's are supposed to be the least looked forward to day of the week. Not for me - bring them on! I love Mondays. I finally get a chance to hear myself think after a very long weekend of six people either talking, fighting, or complaining pretty much non-stop. I love my family very much but everyone has a child exposure time limit. Mine used to be much longer. Maybe it's because I'm getting older or maybe it's because they are getting older but the fact remains that every day I wake up with the ideal that this is going to be a great day and by the time I go to bed I am wondering 'why me'??? I really try to keep that positive attitude going but when a whole day passes and you have accomplished nothing and then the kids start complaining about something totally asinine it starts to fade away. Ten arguements later it's gone completely and you are one of those kids complaining that 'it's not fair that I have to do the dishes either, but I do them because that's what families do'. I'm not so sure anymore. My family is nothing like what I thought a family would be like. Maybe I am way out in left field here, but I always pictured a family to be two parents who respected each other and would do things to help each other out not caring if it was a mom job or a dad job. They would make sure, even if they didn't agree all of the time, to let the kids know what the rules were and hope that by standing together the kids just might follow them. I thought I would have kids who at least try to be helpful and care about their brothers and sisters and want to do little things to make every one's life a little easier. Okay, I know, total fantasy, but my reality sucks, so I need to figure out a way to either accept the fact that my family is never going to be the 'not drive me nuts' type of family or do something to help them become the 'not going to drive me nuts' type of family. I believe that positive thoughts help to bring positive results but that is next to impossible when the negative out weighs the positive six to one. I'm going to keep looking for that silver lining and try not to let the whining and complaining bother me so much. Before I know it I will be blogging about how empty and quiet the house is and how I remember the laughter and good times like they were yesterday. The story of my life seems to be wait and see, but that's what I will have to do and hope that all of the waiting and seeing doesn't leave me wondering what if I hadn't waited?

Publically Passionate or Closet Crazy?

Just out of curiosity, which would be a more desirable personality trait, passion about a subject which may come off once in awhile sounding a little nuts, or nothing at all. No opinions, no viewpoints, no response to anything? I think a little crazy is okay. It is better to be a little nuts in public than totally over the edge in private. Eventually I think even the most well behaved uncomplaining individual is going to crack. When they do then it doesn't matter if they are in public or private somethings going to blow. The human psyche can only take so much repressing and reinventing of truths before it has to let some of it out. I was always from the school of thought of - who knows better how to deal with my problems than me? I don't need some shrink to tell me my mommy didn't love me and my daddy was a workaholic and that's why I'm so messed up. I can figure that shit out on my own and save a hell of a lot of money in the process. But there is something to be said for sharing your thoughts and feelings in an attempt to let yourself and others understand who you are and who you want to become. Without any introspection there can be no growth. If you are everything you can be now than what is the point? Christ, you would think I knew what I was talking about or something with all of those big words. I assure you I do not, just trying to convince myself that a little crazy is okay and maybe even essential to a happy existence.

Believe it or not I had another pleasant evening. There must be something in the water. The boys have bowling on Thursdays so we were gone after school and then we stopped at Walmart to get Gwennie a birthday gift. The boys were decent. They of course wanted various toys and for once they listened when I said no and to put them back. That has to be a call the newspapers moment. Usually they put up such a fight I buy whatever it is anyway. After an hour and a half at The Time Sucking Black Hole that is Walmart, we picked up the birthday dinner and went home to celebrate Gwen's birthday. The one fight was because Max decided to take Gwen's birthday video and hide it. Pretty typical. Wow, I guess we are extremely boring. The kids behavior is good for my stress levels but it sure doesn't make for a very interesting story! I'm counting my blessings 'cause just like the bad behavior - this too shall pass - it's just a matter of time - so I will enjoy my new found well mannered kids while I can.

No!

Some people are convinced that they are always right while others are sure they are always wrong. How messed up do you have to be to actually believe that there is nothing that can be done just because somebody says so. Positive attitudes don't necessarily mean positive outcomes, but they don't hurt. Negativity on the other hand can definitely decide your fate. A negative person will probably never live up to any perceived goals just because of the fact that it is just too hard to fight your way through all of those No's standing in your way. The word itself shuts people down. If you heard the word no before everything someone said it would eventually make you stop listening. I think children are especially susceptible to negativity from their parents or important adults. I'm not saying one needs to always say yes to your kids, but a few less No's might help. Lately, I have noticed I sometimes say no out of habit. There is no reason, just that it is a reaction. I'm going to try listening more closely before answering. You never know it may end up being a yes.

My kids were so good yesterday, I'm almost afraid to go home and find out what tonight holds. They usually have a goodness threshold and it certainly would not hold for more than one day but we'll see, stranger things have happened! Max had a field trip to the museum today. We had a lot of fun. I know I need to enjoy these times before he is too embarrassed to be seen with me. I'm sure that is not very far off. It's amazing the difference a little one on one time with your kids can make. I really notice his behavior improves a lot when he gets a little mom time. I know this but it is so hard to do with five of them. I need to try harder to make sure they each get more time without the others pestering - even if it's just a few minutes at a time. I always thought that I had a child maximum - patience wise, but I'm beginning to believe that I have a petty bullshit maximum and I've definitely hit my limit. The kids I can handle it's the rest of the shit that can take a hike!

Birthday Part 2

Here's a story that makes me think I might be doing a thing or two right. So, Wednesdays are complete running for me. As soon as school is over I have to pick Eddie up at the bus stop and take her to dance class and pretty much I'm picking up, and or, dropping off various children until 8:30 at night. I decided to bring all of the kids with me to pick Ed up from dance so we could go out for my birthday dinner. We went to Arby's-extravagant-I know. But the best part was that they were pretty good. No fighting or running around. Max and Eddie didn't even complain when I didn't sit next to them. They ate their meals and we talked and it was quite fun! Then it was back to running, confirmation classes, more dance classes and finally we got home around 8:30. I was bringing some things in from the car and the kids called me into the house and said they had a surprise. They had made me a birthday cake. It was beautiful. It had frosting, candles, and sprinkles (of course). Seriously, I don't know when they had time to make it but I would never have guessed that they would do such a great job. And on top of all of that - it was really good! Day to day life is really trying sometimes, but when you get a moment in time when you see that you might be making a difference, it makes all of the hard days well worth it. I'm going to keep believing in what I'm doing and looking at the big picture.

Birthdays.

So, another birthday. When is the proper age to refuse to celebrate these things? I'm thinking I should have stopped about five or six years ago. I wouldn't want to go all the way back to my twenties 'cause I was pretty stupid back then. Anyone over forty or forty-five seems old to me. Yeah, I know, I'm being a bit weird but I swear my parents were just in their forties like a few years ago. Forties and fifties are reserved for those old uncool people who we grew up trying not to be like. Now, bam! all of a sudden, we are them. Creepy. The only comfort I can take is that I know I'm cooler than my parents ever were. I'm sure my kids don't think so and when they are my age they will think I was as dorky as I thought my parents were. They will probably be right but by then I'll be senile and won't really care! People are always saying with age comes wisdom, well can't I just get wiser and leave all of the sagging, sore joints, and wrinkles for those who actually wish to get older? And believe me there ARE those people out there. They enjoy the fact that they are getting closer to the grave. They have been living to die their whole lives. I would rather live to live and I would like to do it in a thirty-five year old body - thank you very much! Life is what you make of it so instead of being dragged down into the dark abyss created by negative people I choose to scrape and claw my way back to a world where happiness is the norm and dreams are meant to be realized.

Sibling Battlery?

What is it with kids and having to fight 24-seven? I swear, I stop one fight only to have another one erupt in the next room. It's kind of like cleaning my house. While I clean one room they are somewhere else making a mess. It never ends. The arguments are never about anything important, it's always who gets the dog or who went into whoms room. Mind numbing stuff actually. I know kids really do feel that these things are important, but as parents it can be trying because we know that if he touches you again he is not going to die. Life as we know it will still function and there will be time for another fight - later - after mommy's headache has finally ground down to a semi-constant throb. I try to explain that these things will pass and they shouldn't get so upset over the little things. They don't buy it. I've even let them go at it because I felt they needed to get out some frustration but it always backfires, someone gets hurt and again it is a shouting match to tell me who's fault it was to begin with. I'm hoping this is not just me, otherwise I am just broadcasting to the entire world how terrible of a mother I am. Oh well, I doubt if many people are listening anyway! And if there were a ton of people reading this I would be so popular that I guess I wouldn't care what anyone thought of me!

Eddie kept asking me today if what she just said was cute and if I wanted to write it down. See? When you have kids everything you say is under constant scrutiny and study. Every word I say goes into the vault that is their memory to be taken out at the most inopportune times. I have a very bad memory so they have me cornered pretty much every time. I refuse to answer any questions unless I am perfectly sure what they asked because knowing me I would agree to buy them something and when they don't receive their prize be branded as the mommy who breaks her promises. Even as careful as I am I still get suckered into stuff once in awhile especially when I'm tired and just want them to stop asking. Also a very bad habit to get into. But sometimes easy wins over lesson teaching. And that's okay because not every battle needs to be won and not every score needs to be tallied you just have to survive to fight another day.

Anyone for Child Leash Laws?

Seriously, how boring am I? I have actually tried to post the last few days, but everything I wrote came out pissy and bitchy and I'm sure no one is interested in reading that. So, we went to the Mall of America this past weekend - sounds like fun, right? Did I mention I have five kids??? Holy crap. I have never been so bent out of shape in my life. Every fifteen minutes I was looking for a different one. They kept wandering off. Forget the fact I told them to stay close or to check in, they didn't pay one bit of attention. It was like they saw the bright lights and were drawn as far away from me as possible. You would think that two of us could keep track of the five of them, nope. It's not like it happened once either. It happened over and over and over. I'm thinking that might be the last trip there for awhile. The worst one was when we went to dinner and when Max finished he got up and left, I assumed he was going to the bathroom. He never came back. He was gone for over two hours before we found him. My nerves are still shot. He says he told me were he was going, but I highly doubt it! I am such a glutton for punishment that after we found him we still stayed another hour or two and I they got lost a couple more times. My kids do not learn very fast. Nor do I, apparently.

We spent Sunday driving home. A trip that normally takes about 3 hours took us eight. We drove up to Rice Lake to have pie-really good pie, mind you, and then over to Rhinelander to look at the businesses and then south to get home. The kids were really good until about an hour and a half from home and then the bickering started and didn't stop until we pulled off of the highway near the house. But even with the knock down drag out in the back seat I had a very nice day, at least they were all contained in the car and I could see them. It's amazing what one can put up with when she sets her mind to it!

To Frost or Not to Frost?

This one takes the cake, literally. I was busy looking something up on the Internet when all of a sudden I heard someone yell from the kitchen "What did you just do? Mom! Eddie just frosted the dog!". I didn't think I had heard correctly so I asked again. The same answer, I got up to take a look 'cause that's the kind of involved mom that I am. When I got there my dog was in the middle of the floor covered in periwinkle blue frosting from his little black ear all the way down to his tail. I asked Eddie what in the world she thought she was doing. She said she didn't do it. Even though she still had the remnants of the crime sticking to her little finger nails. I picked up the dog and put him in the sink for a bath and asked her again, "Why did you put frosting on the dog". This time she said she wanted to watch him spin around trying to lick his own butt. "Why would you want him to do that" I asked. "Because it's funny" she said. And ya know what? It was pretty funny. The dog needed a bath anyway.

Lonely?

A good friend of mine once told me, I have lived alone for most of my life, but I never feel alone. I thought about that comment for a long time. My only response was, then how in the hell if I live in a house with seven people in it can I so often feel alone? Not a very pleasant thought is it? So now why is it this way? What makes his life that much richer than mine? I think some of it has to do with the fact that I don't have an actual goal set in my life. Unless I was meant to fill my days with meaningless time passing activities I don't think I am living up to my full potential. Now, how can I figure out what my potential is? My days are filled with children asking questions and children telling stories and children telling me about their days, which in and of itself is all well and good, but once in a while a person needs to talk to real grownups. I need new ideas and new interactions. I will try to find interests among the other half of society, the ones who can stay up late and make their own decisions and don't have to check with their mommies before they can go out. There is a whole world out there that I have been ignoring for far too long. I think it's time to stop wondering what's out there and find out what's out there. Who knows, it might be something wonderful!

Maybe you can tell by my post time that the kids have been kind of quiet today. Although I did go on an hour long walk and felt very refreshed - until I opened the front door. One was screaming that the other wouldn't give him the hamster. I swear it never ends. They can be in the best moods of their lives and all of a sudden - here we are again. The world is going to end if their problem isn't resolved immediately and I need to listen now! Earlier I was checking my e-mail while three of them sat in my vicinity and proceeded to tell me their own individual stories and sadly, I listened to all of them. I guess that could be considered a talent, couldn't it? I am incapable of tuning them out unlike someone else in this household. I need to work on how to get them to wait their turn when trying to tell me something. I think the problem arises when they all have something to say and I don't have the time to sit and listen to them individually. They have learned to adapt and they all start talking at once. I'm beginning to understand a few of my stress issues! Just one more reason why I need to spend a little more time in the land of the Big People.

Spring Break?!?

Why do people complain about their husbands working late? I am in seventh heaven right now. I haven't heard a 'where's my remote?' or a 'who made this mess?' all night. Life is much calmer without the 'better half' around that's for sure. I wish I could say I'm taking this quiet time to get caught up with everything that needs to be done but unless sitting on your ass in front of a computer screen all night is on the list I guess I'd have to say no. The kids went straight from adorably cute to downright annoying in one fail swoop. Who knows, maybe it was the rain or maybe I'm just a bitch. I've always been told I'm moody - only by people without an ounce of emotion in their entire bodies - but still it may be just me! I have one child who is just not happy unless he is tormenting another. Hmmm, I wonder where he could have gotten that from? I have another who thinks Mr. Tormentor gets away with everything under the sun, which he probably does. A third who thinks they are both the devil in disguise and lets me know that frequently with her blood curdling screams because of a look or a gesture from one of the 'devils'. A fourth who will just start crying no matter who is bothering him and then there's Baby Princess who likes to stir it up with whomever is nearby. Oh, don't ya just love Spring Break? I'm sure this too shall pass. Who knows, my sisters and I picked the crap out of each other when we were kids and we still talk - sometimes. Life is a series of ups and downs and turnarounds. Hopefully I can end up facing the right direction.

After a full day of being royal pains in my ass my wonderful children suggested we go out to dinner. Normally I would have been like 'are you kidding?' Why reward bad behavior with a night out? I should say that's probably what my husband would say. I think they understood that I needed to relax as much as they wanted to eat good food. So off we went we had a wonderful time and I'm thinking - sometimes children do know best!

Kid's Say the Darndest Things

This is what I woke up to this morning, 'Mommy, Mommy, hey, Mommy my underwear feels like a butt'. How can a person not have a wonderful day after that? I think I laughed for a good ten minutes. I even ran to get a piece of paper to write it down. Eddie kept asking what was so funny? Between my fits of laughter I think I said 'you are' which is not the right thing to say to a kid with an attention complex. I can't imagine what she's going to be like in a few years. I've always tried to keep the kids semi-calm 'cause once you rile up five kids you have a free for all. They don't understand what going too far is, they just want to have fun. Sometimes it is such a bummer being the mom. I want to be the one who starts copying someone just to be annoying or sit right next to one of them and say ' I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you' or how about the infamous 'I know you are, but what am I'? You gotta admit it's a blast. But someones got to be the adult and stifle all of the creativity out of their young lives. Oh, wait, that's their dads job and he is so good at it! Meanwhile, I'm going to tickle the crap out of my little girl!

Princess Eddie is still on her 'cute' rampage. She came running up the stairs saying 'Lex hurt me!' I asked her why and she said he didn't want her to sing and dance in front of his video game. I told her she could sing and dance for me and she said 'but Mommy, there isn't enough stage room on the bed'. Well, I guess she told me - didn't she! Today I'm going to enjoy the little things and maybe appreciate the ride a little more.

Why So Young?

Okay, can I plead ignorance? I was just a kid a summer out of high school when I met my husband. How in the hell is someone with that little life experience supposed to make an informed decision? Everyone under the age of, oh, let's say 25, needs to pay close attention to that last sentence. What the hell was I thinking? We dated for a few years and got married. I have never had a real job nor do I have any degree or experience of any kind except maybe if you can count wiping noses and butts, hopefully in that order. I don't know if I didn't think I was going to be able to do any better or if at one time it was better. In the process of raising a family I have completely lost myself. I always had ambitions and dreams, I think. It has been so long now I can't be totally positive. I think they were noble and righteous and I'm sure, knowing myself as I do, a hell of a lot of fun! I was so anxious to get on with my adult life. I wanted to be married and start a family and for that I am so very grateful. I would never change one thing about having my children. Okay, maybe I would have had a few more epidurals - those things rock! But I digress, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I am very grateful but on days like today when I feel like walking out the door and never even looking back, I'm a little concerned. How can I be so confused? It's like I have spent the last 15 years of my life making left turns and I am about an inch and a half from where I started. I certainly am not trying to imply that I have any one to blame but myself. I'm a big girl and can make my own decisions but that's not as easy as it sounds. Making decisions is a scary prospect. Decisions mean consequences. I'm sure most of my daily decisions are good ones. I was raised a good Catholic girl for goodness sake! But when I do make a wrong decision, I can't stand the pressure of having made a mistake - also a direct result of being raised a good Catholic girl. I look at people around me and how much they have accomplished in the same amount of time. Some have started businesses, some are successful with three post doctorate degrees and some are remarried two or three times. Not that I want to do any of those things but it illustrates the fact that they were not standing still like me. I have been watching the world spin and everyone on it has been having the ride of their lives, literally. Time to hop in and hold on for dear life!

Tonight has been pretty calm or as calm as a house can be with seven kids in it. My kids have friends over and I think they are still a little shocked from the scary tax 'discussion' mommy and daddy had a few hours ago. I hate tax time! I am not the most organized person on the planet, okay I'm probably in the lower third or fourth or maybe even sixteenth. Oh crap, let's just say there are a lot of people more organized than me. The point is that there is always something that isn't in the tax envelope and I need to find it immediately or the planet will explode! I don't do stress well. Obviously neither does my husband or he wouldn't be so convinced that the end of the world hinges on whether or not we get our taxes in on time. Funny, I know I can't handle stress, yet I have so many kids. Didn't think that one through very well either! The world isn't going to stop spinning and politely invite me to join the party so I guess it's time to jump on! Wish me luck!