Memory Loss

Is forgetfulness catchy? 'Cause I swear I used to be pretty good at keeping things straight and just the past few months I have really been dropping the ball big time. I am very absent minded and completely unreliable. I have forgotten to pay bills - which is completely uncharacteristic of me. I absolutely hate wasting money. I have forgotten many things at school for the kids - but those were mostly during the time I had misplaced my calendar for a whole month. I catch myself slipping into Penny (that's my mom) mode every time I leave the house because I can't find my keys. They are usually in the car door or at the bottom of my gargantuan purse. Just today I forgot about a doctors appointment that Gus had. I was thinking about it all week, but when the day came it completely slipped my mind. Which is even more unfortunate because it was with one of those doctors who will charge you if you don't give enough notice to cancel. More wasted money. This is becoming kind of a habit and not a good one. I don't trust myself to remember anything. I usually have to repeat things over and over in my head until they are in there really well and if I am still not sure I will remember I will resort to writing it on my hand. Pretty sad, eh? And believe you me it's extremely hard to keep your kids from writing on their hands when you are walking around with crib notes up and down your own. I know I have had a lot going on lately, but that shouldn't give me an excuse to just screw up left and right. Why is it that mothers feel the need to do everything and when we can't we feel like such failures? I swear I try my best and I truly can't do any better - at least at this moment in time - so why do I keep kicking myself while I'm down? It's a mothers job to be concerned about every day things that affect their children but is it also their job to feel so guilty when things don't go as smoothly as we would like? Especially when it truly wasn't a matter of life and death. I need to lighten up a little bit. So I am a forgetful mom. At least I'm a mom who is here for them every day and tries to do her best. I could just give up and go gallivanting around the country making my inner child happy. I have to stop giving myself ideas. But that would just prove my bad mommy theory correct and we don't want that now, do we? Good mommy or not so good mommy the choice is mine whether it is literally translated or just the idea up in my head. I can choose to let this bother me or I can pick myself up and dust myself off and just start writing all over my hands.