What Did I Do Wrong?

I don't understand what I did wrong. Every other married couple I know has a way that they divvy up whatever there is to do to make their households run smoothly. Whether it be cooking, cleaning, discipline, or yard work. They, together, make it work. Now, I know some of you will not believe me, but in our house my husband does none of these things. I have been told it is because he works for a living and he shouldn't have to worry about them. I have spent the past fifteen years trying my best, which as it turns out doesn't seem to be very good. I did okay for awhile, I mean, I have never been a clean freak but I kept up and I always get the kids where they need to go. But lately, like the past year or two, I really have had trouble keeping up. If this was happening in any other family you would think that the other spouse would step up and say hey it looks like you need a little help, let's work on it together. Okay, maybe that's cheesy, but you get what I mean. Nothing, he has just watched as I have tried to get my ever moody children to listen to me. They know I can't be there to watch them all the time, so as soon as I leave they sit their butts down. Meanwhile whatever mess they just made is compounded with the mess they made before and the one before that. Seriously, don't people pull together and help each other out instead of just ignoring things and stepping over the mess and pretending that it isn't like living in a toxic waste dump? I have a very high tolerance for crap. I grew up with myself for goodness sakes, but this is ridiculous. It's like living with a hundred Me's on crack. There is not a day that goes by that they don't do something that would have gotten me a swift kick in the butt. I don't agree with dealing with children physically, but when you are outnumbered and your husband can just sit there while they disrespect you and sit there while you wonder how to get them to behave and sit there when you try to figure out what kind of discipline would work. Where is the hope? With the situation the way it is, they know that I can't enforce all of the punishments and if they wait long enough their father will just give up. So here we are in a situation that is not working. I am convinced that if it were completely up to me, they would behave better. They are so angry at their dad all of the time if that figure were taken out of the equation then there may not be a problem. I may be way off, but what could it hurt? The way it is now is only making things worse. At least if I screwed up alone then I would have no one to blame but myself. Raising a family is really hard work , but it is even harder when you have to do it with the expectation that you have the help of someone else and every time you count on them they fail you. I may not be the best wife on the planet, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let something as trivial as the whims of my husband spoil the kind of mother I know I have the potential to be.