Someday

What a wonderful weekend! I really needed some time away. Being away refreshed my memory on a of couple things. One is that Chip has really come a long way when it comes to staying with the kids. They are not happy when I'm gone and they make it really difficult for him and I don't think I really ever give him credit for even letting me go. I fixate on the fact that they are acting up and he's not stopping them and not on the fact that I am not the one who has to deal with it at that moment in time. I know it is not the ideal situation, it would be nice if they jumped up and down all excited to spend the weekend with their daddy. If they did that I would probably complain that they like him better than me. The second thing is that I need to stop being a martyr. Had I decided to go away for a night a few months ago, maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand. A family is only as strong as it's weakest link. If I was burnt out, then things that normally didn't bother me very much bothered me a lot. I'm not saying everything is going to be perfect because I relaxed for a day or two, but it might help a little. I always thought those girls who would go for their weekly massages were just spoiled, but maybe in some cases they are actually doing their families some good. By taking care of themselves, they are in turn taking care of their families. That totally sounds like a pile of crap just so I can have an excuse to pamper myself once in a while. And so what if it is? If a night or two away from my kids helps me to be even a little bit better mom isn't it worth it?

I have been trying to write for what seems like forever. I am sitting in my room with my mp3 turned up as loud as it will go (I wonder why my hearing is going?) and I can still hear Eddie rambling. She has been talking for three hours straight. For awhile she just stood in front of me singing as loud as she could trying to get me to take my head phones off. I didn't fall for it. She just keeps going. She doesn't need me to talk back to her. She can carry on a conversation perfectly well with or without me. She will just keep babbling on and on and on. Asking and answering, arguing and explaining, gesturing and miming. I swear, she will never be lonely. When you can entertain yourself for that amount of time it's got to be some kind of talent. Damn, I try to tune her out and it is impossible. I can't think when she does this. When she infrequently leaves the room along comes Max. It's like they are some sort of talking tag team. When ones not speaking to me the other one has to be. And then there are the hand off times when they are both talking at the same time until one wanders out of earshot. I think I heard something about soap or dinosaurs or deodorant I'm not really sure any more. Crap, they are never going to stop! Someday I will miss this. I just have to keep telling myself that or I might not think it is so charming. Someday I'll miss this, someday I'll miss this, someday I'll miss this...is it someday yet???