Inadequacy...Meet Reality

Okay, I know I've been complaining nonstop, but this is "Andie's Write of Passage" so I guess I'll just keep with the theme. I told him today that I feel like I could have done so much more with my life, meaning I feel I have wasted a lot of time, not really accomplishing things, not having clear goals and not really living up to my full potential. He takes this to mean I feel inadequate. He starts telling me the things that I have done that have improved his life. Notice how everything on planet Earth - maybe the entire solar system - revolves around him. He said he would never have done a lot of things if it weren't for me. Believe me, I would have loved to do more things we both liked together, but in order for that to happen I would have had to dig down and find the shell he calls life that's hidden inside a cave and buried under a ton of rock. His big three improvements were, he goes to Florida every year (because I make him and it's a cheap trip), he knows more about art and culture, and he can name a bunch of flower varieties. Wow. Number one, for fifteen years of marriage, that is a pretty short list and number two, I wasn't asking how I have improved his life, I already knew that. I was trying to make a completely different point in that I need to do more things to keep myself feeling challenged instead of feeling as though I am wasting precious time that I can never get back. I guess I could look at this whole situation as a challenge, but I've been trying to figure this one out for such a long time, I think I need a break. My brain is fried. Obviously, he doesn't get it and I just have to accept that. But I will keep trying to challenge myself and keep setting more and more goals until I am sure that I can't possibly reach any more and then I'm going to try for just a few more, cause that the kind of person I am. For some reason, I had forgotten that. Well, my memory has been restored and I am fully prepared to move forward with goals set and challenges waiting to be met. Who says I need someone else to approve my hopes and dreams? I think I will do just fine figuring them out on my own.

I was trying to write the above entry when Eddie came into my room, crawled up next to me and started saying "woo woo woo". I asked her to stop because I was trying to write something. She proceeded to get closer to me and said "Woo Woo Woo". Again, I asked her to stop. She leaned right up to my ear and shouted "WOO WOO WOO". I yelled, "Eddie what in the heck are you doing"? She said "I am your mind ghost, I live in your mind". Then she ran off giggling. I don't know where she comes up with this stuff. I do know she makes me stop and wonder if maybe sometimes I take things a little too seriously and maybe, just maybe, it's okay to just be silly once in a while.