The Joys of Motherhood

Soccer season. I love it. I hate it. It is fun to watch, but getting all of the kids to the correct fields at the right times is a bit of a challenge. I'm at Eddie's game. After her first practice I wasn't sure how this was going to go. I was really worried after the melt down at the Time Sucking Black Hole that is Walmart about a half an hour ago. Her brother and she were both trying to load up a giant box of Gatorade into my cart and Lex knocked her down and then proceeded to step on her with his cleats. He didn't see anything wrong with his tactics. He was victorious in the now infamous battle of the Stronger Gatorade Lifter of 2009. We, of course had just finished checking out and Eddie parked herself and her fluffy pink dress right in the middle of the checkout aisle and refused to move. She was screaming her most convincing scream and kept looking at me to see if I was going to help her. I moved my cart out of the way, told Lex that he needed to chill out and bent down to pick her up as gracefully as I could manage with her in that gigantic pink dress which wasn't very graceful - believe it or not. The man behind us in line was not very impressed either. I was hoping I could finally be one of those mothers who could take her kids to the store and hold her head high while her children stood next to her well behaved and polite. They aren't going to be sending my membership card any time soon. Not with children as melodramatic as Eddie and Lex. They are their own Broadway show. I swear they could probably sell out the Met for one of their little performances. I heaved the ever-growing five year old into the over sized cart that she had insisted on riding in. I think she thought it looked like a carriage or something. All I cared about at the time was the fact that she wouldn't be running free through the store because that is never a good idea. We had a whole thirty minutes to get in and out of the store which, as I've said before, is just not possible at a place like Walmart. It took us fifty. I eventually got Lex to his game. He was ten minutes late for warm ups, but had plenty of time before his game actually started. I left him there after telling him I would try to be back in time for part of his game, but if I wasn't I'd be there soon. He ran off to join his team. Eddie and I went over to her park for her game. We pulled into the parking lot and she started complaining that she couldn't get her socks on. Then she said she had to go potty. I told her there was a porta potty. She saw her best friend out the window and said she wanted to go play with Rachel. I said, "I thought you had to go potty"? She said she wanted to go to the playground first. I said she had to go to the field because everyone else was there. She left the car and went straight to the park. No one else was there by then so she came over to the field. I asked her again if she had to go potty. She said she'd wait. When the game started, she went right in. She was on offense and having a great time. Close to the end of the first half, she scored a goal. She was very excited. The third quarter the coach sat her out and when the fourth quarter began the coach called her and when she started to go on the field all of the people on the sidelines started calling out her name. She got about half way started crying and ran back to me. She said she was scared because everyone was yelling at her. I tried to explain they weren't yelling at her, they were cheering her on, but she wasn't going for it. I tried to persuade her the entire quarter to go back out, but no such luck. I told her that if she wasn't going to play we were going to have to leave and she picked up her stuff and just started walking away. The game ended and her coach ran after her to tell her what a good job she did and when she saw him she started running to the car. The coach came back and said "You have quite a little soccer player there". I said, "Yeah if you can keep her on the field, that is"! I went to the car and she was ready to go. She said she didn't believe me that those people thought she was doing a good job. She said they were all yelling at her. Crap. I don't know why she finds this all so amusing. It's like she suddenly has an audience and she is going to perform every chance she gets. This is going to be a long season. Hopefully she will figure out that she is not the center of the universe before she sends her mother into the "My Child Has Embarrassed Me So Thoroughly I Can't Show My Face in This City Anymore" relocation program. If anyone can do it, I'm betting she can. Well, hopefully Eddie doesn't show up at the next game with her new guardian 'Olga' who is in no way shape or form any relation to her mom. Any similarities would be purely coincidental. Eventually she will have the confidence to play an entire game and when she does I will be very happy for her and relieved for me. It's funny how when it is your child acting up it seems so much worse than it should. I mean every one's kids have their moments. But when it's yours you feel like everyone is judging you and watching every decision you make. In reality they are probably much too busy dealing with their own children, or something else, to even notice. And even if they do, they are probably sympathizing with you and not judging. I choose to ignore most, if not all, of the looks and remarks. If I didn't I would probably be lying in the fetal position on the floor of my closet sucking my thumb babbling about pink rabbits. I have obviously given this some thought! At least she keeps me from worrying about less important things like needing to pick up her brother. After her display, I was so distraught, I started going home without Lex. Eventually I remembered him and even got to the field before he could possibly have known that I forgot. He doesn't need to know about that little detail, right? He has enough ammunition on me already. An hour after we got home Eddie started complaining that she had to go potty. She was upset that I didn't tell her to go when we got home. Oh, the joys of motherhood!