Stupid...Me?? Never!

I obviously feel the need to display my stupidity once again, I know, surprising, isn't it? I was at the pharmacy the other day and as I pulled out of the parking lot I heard a clanking sound. Kind of like a click, click, click coming from my car. I started freaking out wondering what the hell was wrong. I just had my tire fixed and I didn't need another problem. As I approached the stop lights I glanced out my window into the side view mirror and lo and behold guess what I saw? That's right, my keys hanging from the lock whacking the car randomly as I drove down the street. I looked around to see if anyone was watching, and hell if I know, 'cause I was too busy laughing my ass off. I think people may have glanced over just to see what the crazy lady in the minivan was laughing so hard about. I rolled down my window and, not very chalantly, grabbed the keys out of the lock. I swear, Andie is losing her freakin' mind. Wow, that would be one of the many signs of someone actually losing their mind, talking about themselves in the third person. Not good. I am notorious for the losing the keys thing. Why, just tonight, while at a... you guessed it... soccer game, I was packing up my things and couldn't find my keys. Pretty typical, I know. So I grabbed all my myriad of crap and started to the car convinced that I had left them dangling in the key lock yet again. After unloading my massive stash of unnecessary crap, I looked and there were no keys in the lock. Damn, I am nothing if not unpredictable! I started to panic. I thought," Where the heck did I put them"? The only thing I could think of was that I was at a different field before the game had started. So, I marched my ass over there. Their game was still being played, mind you, and started asking the women there if they had seen a set of keys. They all stared blankly at me and said, "Keys??? Were they on a chain"??? I proceeded to excuse myself as I walked right in front of them as they tried to watch their kids soccer game. I immediately saw my keys lying on the ground right where I had been sitting. I said "Wow, I found them" and they replied, "Good job", or some such shit. I don't know why, but I went with it. I proceeded to my car holding my keys high in the air proclaiming I had found them. I'm an ass, I know. I got to the car and I was so proud of myself for a job well done... work with me here. I finished loading up the car and as I grabbed the handle to get in I thought to myself, "Where the fuck are my keys"? I walked to the back of the car and...there they were...freakin' in the lock. What is going on with me? I am either turning into my mother, oh god, please, no, or I am truly losing it. I'm pretty sure either one would be a bummer. Well, if I'm ever late to anything I guess you will know why! And if you ever see someone with their car keys actually stapled to their head say, "Hey, Andie, how's it going"!?!