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Football Can't Be That Bad...Stop Snoring!!

What can I say, I have had an entire week sans my kids...haven't gotten much accomplished. I am hoping that soon I will figure out what I am doing wrong and get back on track...if I ever was on track...that is. I can't imagine how I can get motivated. That might be one of my problems. I thought I had a pretty good imagination too. That can't be good. Max's football team had an away game in Sturgeon Bay. Notice I didn't say Max went to his football game. Yesterday after school I picked him up for football and he refused to go. I assumed this was one of his daily tantrums and he would eventually get ready and go. He didn't. I wasn't about to drag him out the door, so I called a friend and told him that Max wasn't coming to practice. At five thirty I finally talked him into going with me to the parent meeting that they were having after practice.When we got there I asked him if he was going to stay in the car and he said yes. When the boys finish their practices they always do a cheer where they pound on their pads and yell. I looked at Max in the car and he was doing it right along with his team. The kid likes football and I can't for the life of me figure out why he is fighting playing it so hard. So, anyway, this morning surprise surprise he said he wasn't going to his game. I was so tired of fighting with him I said fine, but that means that no one in the house is to do anything remotely fun. No video games, no movies, no computers. I thought maybe, just maybe, if he saw his actions were not only affecting him, but the entire house as well, he would go. No such luck. He still refused to go. So, I headed out giving the entire family explicit instructions not to let Max do anything that they knew I would disapprove of. I went to meet the bus at St. Jude's and ended up riding with some friends. We had a great time on the ride and at the game. Max called about half way through asking what was going on. I told him the score and that I would be home after the game. Gus called a little while later and asked if they pick up in the basement if they could have the video games back. I said there was no way they were getting anything back before I got home. A little while after that Chip called me. "When are you going to be home"? he asked. I said, "The game is only half over, I'll be home after it's done and we drive home". You would think he could have figured that one out on his own. Guess not. Despite my many interruptions I actually had a nice time at the game. When I arrived home, however it was an entirely different story. All the kids were fighting and complaining. They wanted to be able to play their video games. I made them clean up the mess they made while I was gone.Their dad was home, by the way, but sleeping, the entire time. I did let them on for a while because they did what I said, but then they started fighting again so I had to take it away again. This was my entire day. Fighting and punishing until I woke Chip up at four and made him get us some pizza. That appeased them for a few minutes. Long enough for me to catch a little sanity. We watched a movie together as a family for the first time in months and then when I told Chip I was going to go out for awhile he started in on the fact that I should stay home and spend some time with him. I was home the majority of the day with him, he just happened to be sleeping, is that my fault? According to him, yes. So, long story longer, I'm out and writing this. I guess I am just a bad mom and wife for needing sometime when there aren't six people constantly vying for my attention, or snoring in spite of it.

Manys Paths To Hell

Labor Day. Wow. What can I say. I am obviously a major slacker. No, I take that back, I think I am just a very busy person who has had way too many children in her house over the past two months to do much of anything except try to keep her head above water. That would be another one of my idiosyncrasies...drowning. I am terrified of drowning and I have felt as though I were drowning in my own self doubt for a very long time. Why do people have such low opinions of themselves? I know I am capable of so much more than I am doing now, but for some reason I have convinced myself that this is all life has to offer. I need to just give up and deal with what I've got which, in my opinion, is a very real version of hell. It is really hard to break through glass ceiling you create for yourself. To be able to swim through all of the crap everyone else has thrown into your pool of self-doubt and figure out what is real and what is fantasy is very difficult. I was always told to not trust my own opinions. I should listen to others because they are more knowledgeable or somehow better than me. Personally, I think I have a lot of good opinions and I am pretty self sufficient in my own right. So why, of all people, wouldn't I know what's best for me? I keep listening to everyone telling me what I need to do and what I need to think and I don't buy any of it. I think everyone, at least a lot of people I know, are of the opinion that same is good and change is bad. Maybe I like change. It may be scary, but at least it isn't a stagnant black tar sucking you down into the dark abyss. Start living life for you and not for other people. They may not have your best interests at heart. They may even have their own selfish plans or ulterior motives that they need fulfilled. To each their own, but I don't need to be any one's stepping stone to their own demise. If I choose to go down it will be on my terms and I'll do it with a smile on my face. There are many paths in life and it's time to choose.

What the Hell...Flying Cake!!

I have had an entire summer to figure out what the hell I am doing and I am no closer to figuring that out than I was two months ago. I must admit that my summer was much better than I had anticipated. I figured the kids would drive me nuts and I would be completely fried by the time it was over. For some reason, believe it or not, we had a lot of fun. I was almost sad when the kids went back to school. I got over it pretty quickly. Today was Eddie's golden birthday. She had been promised a little trampoline by her dad about a month ago which should have left plenty of time to order it and have it ready for her birthday. But since he was the 'promiser' her birthday has come and gone without a present in sight. Not that I'm an angel...I have also disappointed the kids on occasion. But I knew the second he told her she could have one for her birthday that he was gong to blow it off like he does everything else and she would be left without anything. It happens the vast majority of times that he promises someone something. I guess they should be used to it by now. She has been bugging the crap out of him ever since to take her to the store and get her one. Normally I would tell her to stop making her daddy feel bad, but I'm not going to this time. Maybe sometimes people should feel bad for their actions. If they don't then they will never change, right? I went out on Friday and got Eddie a princess cake. Today I was carrying it across the kitchen and it slipped right out of its packaging and launched itself onto the kitchen counter. She was not pleased with me, to say the least. In my defense it was just part of the cake because we had celebrated her birthday the night before. She didn't care. It was still the biggest tragedy of her life up to that point. Until I screw up again, of course. Eddie has a lot of tragedies. Probably hundreds a day. I have lost count. Thank goodness she has started school. I am so very excited to see what comes of this year. If I can't fix things without children underfoot then I guess there is no hope for me. We will just have to wait and see. Wish me luck!!

Plant My Carrots Now...How 'Bout Now?

Wow, you would think I had a job or something with how busy I have been lately. I guess I am just easily distracted. I can only do three thousand things at once and this was three thousand and one. It had to go. I am happily writing this just minutes after dropping Max off at his friends house. His friends family are headed up to their grandparents cabin for the next three days! Can you believe it? My child, who will not let me out of his sight for more than a few minutes, is gone for three whole days. I hope he will behave. I'm sure he will be fine. He saves all of the best tantrums for me, isn't that sweet? On Sunday I am supposed to bring him and his brother and sister to summer camp in Clintonville. We are planning on picking him up on the way somewhere in Shawano and then driving down to the camp. I say "supposed to" because I know my child. He says he will be fine going straight to camp after being away from home for three days, but he has promised me things before and threw such a fit afterwards that he got his way. I hope that is not going to happen. I'm sure the people at the camp are used to kids who don't like being away from home and should be able to handle him...I hope. That's just me being a disaster theorist again. I think about the worst possible outcome and when it turns out to be not so bad I feel like it is actually good. Yes, I am stupid enough to trick myself into believing things that aren't necessarily true. Or does that make me unbelievably smart? It's not that funny. So, I am trying to figure out what I am going to do for the next couple of days. This might be even better than when I leave to get some peace and quiet. Maybe I can actually get some things accomplished around the house. I've always said that if I had a Saturday or two a month where the kids were occupied somewhere besides with me, that I might actually not lose my mind. You would think that wouldn't be too much to ask. Especially when I deal with them and all of their needs 24/7/365. Except for the one week a year when I go to Florida with my sisters and a stray evening once in a while when I feel the need to go out and not take them with me. I guess it is too much because it hasn't happened yet. I can't believe how good some people have it. Not that I don't think they should get help from their husbands, I do. It's just that they get help and still complain and I get no help and feel totally guilty when I do complain. So I'll stop. Eddie and Lex are bugging me to come and plant carrots with them. Eddie has been in here about fifteen times asking me, "When we are going to plant our carrots?"," Is it time to plant the carrots?", "Where are we going plant the carrots?", "Why can't we plant the carrots now?". I guess I had better just go plant the darned carrots. With my luck, Eddie is just going to take over for Max and need me twice as much as normal and the weekend will be no different than usual. Other than the fact that I, yet again, had an expectation (of a little less stress and a little more quiet) that was so way beyond the realm of reality, it was ludicrous. Oh great, now she's asked sixteen times. Gotta go! Time, tide and Eddie wait for no man.

Crossroads or Crosswords?

I am finding it really hard to get on here this summer, I wonder why? I truly can't figure it out other than I have had a serious bout of temporary insanity that took me a good week to shake. I would have filled everyone in on my adventures, but then you would all know too much and I would have to kill you. I'm just kidding...I think. Max is finally in summer school. I am so happy that he likes it. He is not thrilled about a whole lot of things. I figured I would have to fight with him every morning just to get him up and ready for the bus. Other than this morning, he has been up at six and we've gotten out the door by 7. Today was the exception and totally my fault since I over slept and we got up at seven. Needless to say, he missed the bus and I had to drive him all the way to Red Smith school, which is a good twenty minute drive. I figured that since I was already that far from home I might as well stop and see my parents. I went in intending to just stay a few minutes. I was lucky to get out by 1 p.m. Once my Mom starts, it's an endless stream of things that she needs help with. I am happy to do them for her and luckily today, I had the time. Just for starters she wanted a Yorkie picture put in as her face book profile picture, yeah, I know... scary that my Mom's on face book. Then she needed her cable channels fixed...again. And then she wanted me to figure out why she couldn't find one of her friends on face book. She said he had sent her an e-mail asking her to join his list. He was on something called life story or some such thing so the reason she couldn't find him is because she was looking on a completely different website. These things would have been doable in an hour or so tops, but then she came out with the dreaded crossword puzzle. She has been talking about this puzzle for weeks. She said it is the "hardest one she has ever seen". She should know because she does the "puzzle" religiously. I've been busy, so I've been able to avoid the inevitable "just take a peek at it I'm sure you have to know some of these answers", until now. I spent almost four hours looking at this stupid thing. First, I had to see if I could do it on my own, that didn't work. I started looking things up on the Internet. I have to be pretty hard up to do that. I couldn't find anything. I was minutes away from cheating and just searching for the solution and writing the answers in for her. I would be the "goddess of all crosswords". Knowing me, I wouldn't be able to pull it off because I am such a horrible liar. I finally conceded the fact that I could not help her. The really sad thing is if she had just looked in the paper the next day the answers would have been there and she could have saved herself countless hours of mind-numbing droning over something as trivial as a crossword puzzle. Although given the fact that I spent a good chunk of my day doing the exact same thing, I guess I shouldn't be her judge. I am guilty of the same crimes. Once I set my mind to something there is no stopping me until I have figured it out. I wonder if this might be why I never get anything done? I am unable to do anything without putting my full attention towards it. Who can do that when there are so many things being thrown at us day after day? It would be a miracle if we could focus all of our attention on any one thing. I am going to have to start finding little chunks of time to allot to doing part of something and be happy with any progress made and maybe eventually I will turn around and there will be something substantial there. Any effort would be an improvement. The potential to create and thrive is still there. I need to find my drive and determination again. Crossroads or crosswords they both need level headed thinking and concrete choices. Like my Mom with her "hardest one she's ever seen" crossword, I hope can keep reasoning and plugging away until my puzzle is complete, no matter how long that takes. I'm pretty sure I'll solve it...eventually.

Wanna Kiss Your Brain???

We had just stopped home for a minute to pick something or someone up the other day when from the back seat I hear "Mom, Mom, hey Mom". I said "Yes, Eddie what do you need"? "Look Mom, this is how you kiss your brain". I turned to look and she was kissing the palm of her hand and then patting it on the top of her head. I almost lost it. Too freaking funny. Of course, after hearing my laughter, she kept asking, "What's so funny, Mom. Is it me again"? I guess I will never learn my lesson. I really have to stop encouraging her, but what fun would that be? She has also taken to singing along with me to the songs on the radio. Cute, right? I don't know if you've been listening to anything that's been on the radio lately, but they are probably not the best things for a five year old to be singing at the top of her lungs in public. Her current favorites include "Birthday Sex", "Fire Burning", and the ever popular "LoveGame" by Lady GaGa . Who by the way, looks kinda like Debbie Gibson did in the eighties, but rated XXX. I thought Eddie's singing was very adorable. Then the other day, out of the blue, she says, "Hey Mommy, what's a disco stick"? Also not the best thing to laugh my ass off about, but of course, I did! Oh well, if the worst thing she becomes is a comedian I guess I could have done worse!

Bored? Try Karaoke!

I went to a karaoke bar last night...by myself. I decided that I wasn't going to sit home and be bored when there was a perfectly good Saturday night awaiting me. I went in, sat at the bar and ordered a drink. The music was pretty sucky for the first hour or so. So I pulled out my trusty laptop and did some writing. They were singing stuff like Frank Sinatra and Johnny Cash which is not normally a problem unless it is being sung by way off pitched senior citizens. After an hour or so and a drink or two, the music miraculously improved tenfold. It really doesn't matter if it was the music or the alcohol, the point is that I started to have fun! A woman kept stopping by my table asking me various questions about stuff in general and nothing in particular. After talking to her half a dozen times, or so, we were, of course, best friends. I proceeded to join her and her friends for the remainder of the evening. We had a blast dancing and...you guessed it...singing. In my case very badly, but whatever, I thought the music was good, so maybe everyone else was as tone deaf as I was by then I sounded like the best singer on the planet! It's possible. I wasn't booed off the stage or anything so traumatic. That's the nice thing about karaoke bars, everyone there is just trying to have fun. I'm sure there's other things going on, but, all in all, I think people are there to enjoy themselves and aren't expecting much more than a good time. Yeah, I know, my name is next to the word "naive" in the dictionary. The point being that I had a blast and I think I might just have to meet up with my new "friends" and make a fool of myself again...soon! What...I'm good at it!

Parental Approval...Who Needs It?

It doesn't matter how old I get anytime my parents are around I am time warped back to being a little kid. Everything I do and say makes me feel like I am like twelve years old again. I am always seeking their approval and can't seem to stop it. I spent Gus' whole game showing my mom all of my beads that I am using to make jewelry, yes, yet another hobby. I made a necklace last night and I was so proud of it, I wore it to the game. In my defense I didn't know my mom was going to be there. I was just trying to pass the time during the most boring game ever invented. I have issues with anyone, but especially my mother, approving of what I do at any given moment in time. I have a fragile ego, obviously. Luckily she liked it , kind of, she had an issue with the randomness of it which was kind of the point of the entire necklace. I wanted it to be totally random. It's almost as hard to explain what I mean in print as it is to explain it to my mother. She is very artistic, but doesn't necessarily like all art. If she doesn't think a particular piece is any good she will definitely let you know. This may be the reason I never did any real art when I was young. I never felt what I did met with her approval. It was probably just me being too sensitive but it seemed that she was pretty sure I was void of all talent when it came any type of artistic pursuits.Too bad kids don't know that what their parents say does matter to a point, but they are certainly not the end all be all of opinions. When you are a kid all that matters is your parents approval...what else is there? Can you imagine the magnitude of talent that has been squelched just because parents disapproved of something a child was interested in? It happens all of the time. A child is totally excited about something they did and when they go to show it to someone they are either ignored or worse yet they are told it is not any good. Sometimes, of course it isn't any good and I guess we should not encourage these instances but other times it is very good and we, as parents, are either too tired or too fed up to care and we unintentionally, I hope, squashing their little creative minds like a bug under our collective shoe. I sound very bitter. Maybe I am. You know what? I am. I have wasted too many years believing what other people had to say about me. I know I shouldn't freaking care, but that is much easier said than done. Everyone has a self perceived fault of some kind that no matter what anyone else says they are always going to believe it doesn't measure up. In my case it is pretty much everything. Yes, my parents did quite a number on me. Did I have a point? I think it is that it doesn't hurt to treat your kids with respect and give their talents the light of day that they deserve. We shouldn't blow them off because we are busy or their sibling might be better at that particular talent, or some other asinine reason that at the time seems convenient. Children are not only sponges for knowledge but also for all of the crap we tell them about them and their abilities whether it is positive or negative. They will suck it up and then it is in there for good. Just look at me, it doesn't matter how many people tell me I am good at something I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that is saying, "No, Andrea, you are not that good, look at that person over there, now they are good, you should try to be more like them". Thanks mom and dad! I'll just have to try to work on my self-esteem so as not to waste the remainder of the short years on this earth because of things my parents may or may not have said eons ago. Like I said when it comes to parents, it is really hard to let things go.

CCQ Rules!

Lex, Eddie and I are at Los. I think I am starting to make a habit of this. There are worse habits. I know, I've had many of them at one time or another. Talk about an addictive personality. I'm guessing I don't like change. The kids had soccer games tonight. Max called me and asked if I would stop and pick up some CCQ for him. I didn't say when, so we are going to enjoy our dinners and bring his food home when we are done. I'm beginning to like soccer season. Even with all of the running and losing of uniforms and freaking out not knowing if it is my turn for snack or not. It's nice to be able to just sit, relax, talk to other grown ups, and watch the kids play. What would I be doing at home anyway? I'd probably be stressing out about one thing or another and getting all upset because there is too much to do and not enough time in the day. Maybe there would be a little more time to finish my projects if I would stop writing this, eh? Eddie played her game without too much incident. She insisted on hanging out in the goal every time she was on defense. When the other team was coming in for a score there were four of them in the goal. The goalie and the three defensive players. They were all standing next to each other and basically just took up the entire space. The ball just bounced right out of the box. Another time they were going to kick the ball and they wanted everyone behind the white line. Where was Eddie? Actually hanging by her knees from the top of the goal. I'm so proud! That's why I don't stress over sports. These people are yelling at five year olds about their soccer techniques. I know, practice makes perfect and losers never win and all that crap but five? Give me a break! I think they need to be a little bit older before you can decide if they are going to be a soccer phenom or not. I suppose a lot of parents have already decided before their children are even born what they are going to do with their entire lives. Which would make five pretty much late on their time scale. I am a firm believer in just letting the coaches tell the kids what to do. Half the time the parents don't even know what they are talking about. They tell their kids to do something stupid. Their kids listen and then it the kids fault. At one of Max's games recently one of the parents yelled out, "Pick it up"! I'm assuming to the goalie and one of the players from the other team picked up the ball. I don't know what people expect, if I was a kid on the field and adults are yelling at me I would tend to just do what I was told. Live and learn. They will eventually have to figure out that their parents don't know everything and I'm guessing that the soccer field is a pretty good place to find that out. Lex's game was fun too. The parents have been banned from sitting in the players side of the field so we were all sitting under the trees in the shade. It was damn hot. We are so far away from the field it hardly pays to cheer. The kids can't even hear us. That's okay, 'cause as I'm pretty sure I might have mentioned, it was too damned hot anyway! I think the Los after the game habit should continue the entire season, in fact I'm pretty sure I'd like to carry it well into the post season! That might be the CCQ talking! I love CCQ!

Lucky me?

I am sitting on my deck drinking a cup of coffee. The sun is shinning, the birds are singing and I feel like there's a Mack truck parked right on my soul. What the hell is wrong with this picture. I should be grateful for this beautiful day and my wonderful kids but due to a series of events which I will not bore you with, I am just numb. Why am I so all or nothing? I am never happy in the middle. I have no right to complain. Sure I'm having issues, but who doesn't? Do I sound like a broken record here. It seems like I am just going day by day making excuses for why the day before this one sucked and what I could have done to make it not suck and then regretting the fact that I did not do the un-sucky thing. Whine, whine, whine. I am so over this roller coaster of a life I have. I'm never sure what is going to set the fighting off and I'm afraid that I may be the cause. If I'm not actually starting the fights, maybe it is because of a perceived attitude that I have directed towards him even if I'm not aware of it. A person can only put up with so much before they break. I need some non mixed messages and soon. We go from every things fine to I'm the biggest bitch on the planet in one fail swoop. I certainly never intended to hurt his feelings. Or did I? Everyone wants to believe they are so holier than thou when it comes to who started which fight and whose points were the most valid. It takes at least two people to disagree and I'm just as guilty. Whether I feel like I have just cause or not, it doesn't really matter. Until I can stay completely out of the negativity and accusing. It will never stop. It's like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum. If you ignore their actions the tantrum will eventually go away, you just have to be patient and calm. The more words and actions you pour over that tantrum the higher the flames will burn until it eventually blows up and everyone involved is tired and miserable, and sometimes damaged beyond recognition. I need to stop fueling the fire. Hopefully it will burn itself out. It is so hard not to take the bait. Especially when they know all of your buttons and the exact moment to press them to put you into all out bitch mode. I'm trying to ignore as much as I can. Maybe if I can be less reactive and they can be a little more proactive it will get better. Who knows, maybe we will get lucky.

My Momma

My children are brilliant! Okay, maybe not all of them and I will probably be taking this all back the next time they annoy me, but Lex and Eddie have something special going on. Lex had the chance to go to the park and play today and guess what he chose to do instead? No, not stay at home just to annoy me, although I can't say he hasn't done that from time to time. He wanted to finish writing the instructions for his new video game. He wants me to submit it to Nintendo. I have no idea if it is any good because I don't play very many video games, but the point is that he is applying himself to a worthwhile project. Maybe I should start taking some hints from him, eh? Eddie wasn't quite as gung-ho to stay home, she actually did want to go to the park, but had to stay because the other kids didn't want to have to watch her. After a few, okay quite a few, minutes of crying she decided to join her brother at the table and started writing and drawing. Lex kept on asking me how to spell certain words and I would spell them for him. Eddie noticed this, so she started asking me to spell for her too. I said I would, but she doesn't know which letters are which, so it is harder. She said just point to the computer if I don't know the letter. I thought that was pretty smart of her. So that's what we did. A few quick notes that said I O U Eddie, her way of saying I love you, with hearts and arrows and squiggly lines for decoration, she came over holding a piece of paper and started to read from it. (or so it looked) She said:
My Momma
I love my Momma when she brings me somewhere
I love my Momma when she brings me to Florida
I love my Momma when she brings me to Rachel's
I love my Momma when she brings me on trips
I love my Momma when she brings me to the park
I love my Momma when she reads to me
I love my Momma when she watches movies with me
I love my Momma when she brings me to soccer
I love my Momma every day
I love my Momma because she loves me.

When she finished she looked up at me and I said, "Oh Ed, that's a wonderful poem". A huge smile spread across her face. Then I said, "Let's write it down", 'cause we all know what kind of memory I have. So here it is. Days like today really make all the really hard ones worth it. Kids are a surprise a minute and if you are too busy to listen you might just miss some of the best surprises in the whole world. So, Lex is still plugging away at his video game idea, I talked the older kids into watching their little sister at the park, and I am basking in the fact that maybe, just maybe, I see a slight upswing in the balance of my life. All thanks to a little girl who, apparently, loves her Momma.

No Kids Allowed

Another day without fighting. Hmmmmmm, I'm beginning to wonder who took my children and if it would be possible for them to just keep things the way they are. I kinda like it. There a still a few fights here and there, but for the most part they have been very good. The boys have taken a liking to going to the park. I go with them every once in awhile just to see what's going on. They spend the entire day playing and running. It is a much better influence than at home where they would more than likely be playing too many video games and then arguing about those same games. I was always leery of sending them to the park. I don't know what I thought was going to happen, knowing me I was just thinking that I am capable of taking care of my kids without anyone else's help. More than likely it was my husbands family's influence. They don't want anyone to know anything, ever. I always feel that I can't let my kids out of my sight for fear they might...umm...I don't know what I'm supposed to be afraid of them doing. All I know is I was never to let them go anywhere. And for the longest time they couldn't have anyone over to our house either. I got tired of the neighborhood kids constantly ringing my door bell and then having to make excuses as to why my kids couldn't play. I started to let them in and ever since they've played nicely together, for the most part. Sheltering your kids is fine to a certain extent and when done for the right reasons. If they are in a dangerous situation or you don't know where they are going to be you should tell them no. I never got a legitimate reason why other kids couldn't play with my kids. And when I finally let them they got along great. In fact they didn't fight with each other as much. It would have saved me years of frustration if I could have allowed them those freedoms from the beginning. I don't know why, against my better judgement, I was swayed to go against my gut instincts. I think I just want to please everyone and somehow in the process forgot that I should please myself too. My opinions matter and for someone to belittle my decisions and tell me I'm wrong when they are not the one who is here dealing with the children all day was not fair. It was so my fault. I was trying to make sure one person was happy and neglected to notice that the other six were miserable. Not that I don't want everyone to be happy, but spending all of my time and energy on making just one of us happy is counterproductive. I can do my best to improve our lives and situation, but unless an individual chooses to be happy there's not much I can do about it. Any who... I'm happy, the kids are happy, I think I might have to give this summer thing another once over before I declare it a gigantic pain in my ass...knock on wood.

Electrician I Am Not

I have always had a fear of being electrocuted. My parents used to fix up old houses and then rent them out. I would to go with my dad when he cleaned and repaired the houses. I remember feeling really important because my daddy was letting me help him. I would hold the flashlight, or hand him the right tool when he needed it. I learned a lot from this interaction with my dad. I can probably fix anything around a house, not that I do, necessarily, but I could. I know a lot about how things work and what you should and should not do when dealing with household repairs. My dad has always talked to me like I was a grownup. He treated me with respect and never talked down to me. I loved spending time with him. I'm sure every little girl loves her daddy time and I am no exception. That being said, I don't know when I became such a dumb ass. Although there is really no reason I should have been concerned with the situation but let me start at the beginning. I was just drifting off to sleep last night when I heard yelling coming from downstairs. I couldn't hear what was being said from my room , but I could tell it was Chip's voice. He was not going to be stopping anytime soon. I got my ass out of bed and went downstairs to see what the problem was. When I got closer I could hear him saying, "Andrea, why doesn't the dryer work"? I was like, "I don't know". He was pushing buttons and holding in buttons and slamming the door shut. I asked if I could take a look at it. He slammed it one more time and stormed out of the house complaining he wouldn't have any clothes for tomorrow and what was he going to do. I fiddled with the buttons for awhile. Then I thought maybe it could be reset. It was obviously getting power because the lights were lit so it wasn't a tripped fuse or anything. I figured if I pulled the plug it would reset itself and maybe it would run again. I cleared off the dryer, 'cause I can't seem to have a flat surface in my house not covered with crap of some kind. I pulled out the machine and squeezed my big ass back behind the thing. I reached over and unplugged it. I was going to wait a few seconds before I plugged it back in. I think counted to ten or so when that horrible buzzing pain crept up my arm. I thought to myself how stupid are you Andrea? Your going to die behind your dryer and they won't find your body for a month. My family can't find anything without me... and if they are looking for me...well, you can see the flaw in that line of reasoning. I willed myself to let go of the plug and threw myself against the wall. I was so freaked out. I truly thought I was going to die. I don't know if that is an irrational fear or not, but I was completely convinced. I kept feeling the shock go through me. I needed to get out of the house so I could calm myself down. I went out to my car to try to made myself believe I was going to be okay. After quite a long pep talk, yes I was talking to myself, I came back in. Shaking, I went to the basement and flipped the switch marked 'dryer' only half believing that it was marked correctly and went back up the try to plug the thing back in. It took me a really long time to get back behind the dryer. I must have looked like a crazy person because Gwen kept asking me if I was okay. I was saying to myself, "C'mon, Andrea you can do it. It is just a plug there is no electricity anymore". I must lie to myself a lot because I wasn't buying any of it. I would get my hand behind the dryer and then yank it out thinking I was going to get shocked. Finally, after way too much drama on my part, I got the damn thing plugged back into the wall. I walked down to flip the switch back on. When I came back upstairs I could hear Gwen in the garage talking to her father. She said something like, "She's really upset, can't you come help? A few minutes later Chip walked in the door and said, "How in the heck did you electrocute yourself"? I told him what had happened and before he could enlighten me on what a dumb ass I was I asked him to please not tell me what I should have done. He left and went to bed. I tried the dryer to see if my nightmare was at least not all for naught, but it was. Oh well, at least I didn't die, right? I spent the next few minutes hanging up the clothes that were in the dryer so I wouldn't have to listen to the inevitable, "Where are my clothes" at four thirty in the morning. They must have dried, because I didn't hear any yelling. Either they dried, or I was too knocked out to hear him. Either way, I woke up with a really sore arm and a bruise the size of my fist on the back of my bicep. Ouch. I will survive...I think. So much for knowing how to fix things. I think I stick with the "ignore it until I die" approach. At least that doesn't kill me.

Censor...A Ruling Please.

Alrighty, I've got lots of good stuff today, just nothing I can talk about. Since when did censoring become the norm? I was under the impression that we have the right as Americans to say what we want when we want. Am I wrong? I guess I must have missed the clause in my contract that states that once I marry I give up this right. I will just have to leave out all of the juicy parts and just give you the highlights. Don't worry, I'm in the process of getting my contract reviewed. Hopefully I can get the censoring declared unconstitutional. Screw it, it's my blog I'm gonna write whatever I want to. I went to sunny Lakewood , WI to visit my in laws today. It was a beautiful day. That lake is clear as glass, you can literally see all the way to the bottom. My day didn't start out very well. I woke up at 6 to start packing because, as usual, I put that off until the last minute. I packed things up until 7 when I started getting the rest of my family awake and moving. You would think that if they are going to a lake for the day to have fun they would get their lazy asses out of bed, wouldn't you? Not the case. Gus and Gwen woke up without too much trouble. Once I actually went downstairs and told Chip what time it was he reluctantly got up. Lex rolled out about 7:30. The other two, holy crap. It takes an earthquake of about a magnitude of 7.0 to even get them to stir. It doesn't help that they refuse to sleep when I am not home, so they didn't get to bed until about 2:30. I continued packing random items calling for the two of them to get up so we could leave and even paid a couple of bills quick. I must have run up and down the stairs about fifty times getting various things and children up and or down to their respective places. I was about to explode from frustration when Ed and Max finally decided to grace us with their presence at about 8. I had most of the kids in the car and getting a few last minute things when from upstairs I hear, "Where are my shorts? I need my shorts. Andrea, where did you put my shorts". I went up to see what I could do to remedy the situation. I'm pretty sure I needed to find the darned shorts but you never know with this family. I had asked the night before if there was anything he needed found for the trip and he said no. He even said I should pack the shorts that I had in the suitcase. When I got upstairs he was sitting on the bed just starting ahead asking me where his shorts were. I looked around, didn't see any and went down to get the shorts I had packed out of my car. I brought them back up and he was still sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me to bring him his shorts. I almost lost it right there. You would think a grown man of forty would be able to pull himself together enough to look for his own clothing. Then he says,"Where are my sandals"?I said I didn't know and asked him if he looked in the shoe bucket. He says, "Never mind, I have them". "Well, if you have them why are you asking me if I know where they are"? I asked. He retorted with, "I told you to look for them yesterday an I wanted to see if you actually did it". I replied, "No, I didn't, but what does it matter? You have your shoes, right"? "Yeah" he says. I went to the car to check on the kids. Another three or four trips back into the house later and we are still waiting for him. He wanted to get on the road by 8. We left at about 8:45. I'm sure somehow that was my fault, although I don't quite see how. We arrived in Lakewood and after the initial nit picking about what everyone was doing wrong in her cottage, my mother-in-law kept pretty quiet. I was having a decent time and then my brother-in-law asked me if I wanted to go water skiing. I was like sure, I haven't been up in years, I'd love to try. So, off I go. I was up on the first try and proceeded to ski around the lake. I swear Joe was aiming for the biggest waves. In his defense, it is a pretty small lake and can get pretty choppy. About three quarters of the way around the lake I was hitting some pretty big waves and before I could even think to grab my glasses, yeah, I am that stupid, my face hits the water...then I let go of the rope. I can't see anything without my glasses, so I wasn't very well going to be able to see them if they were sinking near me. I'm pretty sure I screamed the F word a little too loudly. When Joe brought the boat around, my glasses were no where to be found. I skied the rest of the way back to the cottage after having told Gwen to yell when I get close so I'd know when to drop. I thought the entire thing was quite humorous. Guess who didn't think so? I got back and Chip said, "What, did you lose your glasses"? I answer, "Yeah, they're in the lake". "What were you thinking?", he snapped. Like I need to be talked to like a child and in front of his parents. I'm sure it was fine with my father-in-law. The entire family has this annoying habit of making people feel inferior. They have a way of talking that makes me wonder if they know what a positive attitude is. I'm pretty sure they don't. I sat and listened to my losing crap lecture and then asked Chip if he had been the one to do something stupid would I be berating him like this and he says, "I wouldn't be so stupid". Whatever. The rest of the day was fine. Except for the way too often 'glasses at the bottom of the lake' references. I'm not going to win, so why even argue with them right? Other than a few kinks it was a beautiful day. Although I am glad to be home. The laundry can wait, I'm going to go out for awhile. I think I deserve it!

Monkey Minus Instincts

Doesn't it seem that the one person who does something dangerous is the last person on earth who should be doing it?? Okay, let me explain. Lex was born with a tumor in his cheek and has had many surgeries costing countless dollars to try to make his face look more symmetrical. I have always let my kids do what they felt they were capable of. I have never tried to lead them in any particular direction. My philosophy is, I only have them for a short time they have themselves for the rest of their lives. So maybe they should develop into what they want to be, not what I want them to be. It may backfire on me, but I don't want to have regrets that I should or shouldn't have done this or that with them. When I see they have an interest I try to support it as best I can. With five it's hard, but I try. Lex has never been the most coordinated child. Until recently you could bet that if he started running he would be down on the ground within a few dozen steps. It has never bothered him. He just gets right back up and keeps running, for awhile, anyway. I think he is a very resilient kid and I am very proud of how he took all of his hospitalizations in stride and never once complained about anything. Although now if I ask him about his surgeries he says he doesn't remember any of them which I'm sure is a good thing. After his last one as they were wheeling him down the hallway to his room I asked him how he was and he said, The princess is in the castle and she is beautiful"! Gimme some of whatever he's got! Sounds like a pretty happy place. Anyway, my point is, he has taken a liking to anything that makes my heart pound. He hangs from the very highest point on the monkey bars, does a little tightrope walking very near the top of the jungle gym, and likes to yell, "Hey mom look at me" from every precarious place imaginable. I realize when I was his age I did all of those things too. None of my three older kids are willing or able, I'm not sure which, to do them. I don't know if I am just being overprotective or if I am convinced that because of his apparent lack of coordination he is destined to end up back in the hospital. Today he was jumping from the platform of the play set to one of those zip line type deals and flying across to the other side. The little jumps were fine but then he had the thing in the middle and went to jump and fell flat on his face in the wood chips. It was at that moment I had flashbacks to the day I broke my arm. I was doing almost the same thing, minus a couple of safety improvements they've made mandatory in playgrounds since then. One being those wood chips, but any way I remember having such a blast and one jump later I was on the ground wind knocked out of me with an arm that looked like a noodle. At least had something happened to Lex today I was here. When I fell, my parents weren't home and I had to walk home with my arm flopping. Well, halfway anyway, one of the neighbors, I don't remember which one, saw me and took me to the hospital. About three hours later my mom showed up to finally give them permission to treat me. Then she demanded that they call in a specialist so I don't think I got into surgery until well after midnight. Oh, memories!! I told Lex that what he was doing was reminding mommy of when she broke her arm doing almost the exact same thing and he thankfully stopped. I know he'll do more crazy stuff thinking he invincible like all kids do amd he might yet end up in the ER, but hopefully he will be luckier that his mommy was. It's perfectly fine to be as active as a monkey, but a monkey without the proper instincts better have good insurance!

Stupid...Me?? Never!

I obviously feel the need to display my stupidity once again, I know, surprising, isn't it? I was at the pharmacy the other day and as I pulled out of the parking lot I heard a clanking sound. Kind of like a click, click, click coming from my car. I started freaking out wondering what the hell was wrong. I just had my tire fixed and I didn't need another problem. As I approached the stop lights I glanced out my window into the side view mirror and lo and behold guess what I saw? That's right, my keys hanging from the lock whacking the car randomly as I drove down the street. I looked around to see if anyone was watching, and hell if I know, 'cause I was too busy laughing my ass off. I think people may have glanced over just to see what the crazy lady in the minivan was laughing so hard about. I rolled down my window and, not very chalantly, grabbed the keys out of the lock. I swear, Andie is losing her freakin' mind. Wow, that would be one of the many signs of someone actually losing their mind, talking about themselves in the third person. Not good. I am notorious for the losing the keys thing. Why, just tonight, while at a... you guessed it... soccer game, I was packing up my things and couldn't find my keys. Pretty typical, I know. So I grabbed all my myriad of crap and started to the car convinced that I had left them dangling in the key lock yet again. After unloading my massive stash of unnecessary crap, I looked and there were no keys in the lock. Damn, I am nothing if not unpredictable! I started to panic. I thought," Where the heck did I put them"? The only thing I could think of was that I was at a different field before the game had started. So, I marched my ass over there. Their game was still being played, mind you, and started asking the women there if they had seen a set of keys. They all stared blankly at me and said, "Keys??? Were they on a chain"??? I proceeded to excuse myself as I walked right in front of them as they tried to watch their kids soccer game. I immediately saw my keys lying on the ground right where I had been sitting. I said "Wow, I found them" and they replied, "Good job", or some such shit. I don't know why, but I went with it. I proceeded to my car holding my keys high in the air proclaiming I had found them. I'm an ass, I know. I got to the car and I was so proud of myself for a job well done... work with me here. I finished loading up the car and as I grabbed the handle to get in I thought to myself, "Where the fuck are my keys"? I walked to the back of the car and...there they were...freakin' in the lock. What is going on with me? I am either turning into my mother, oh god, please, no, or I am truly losing it. I'm pretty sure either one would be a bummer. Well, if I'm ever late to anything I guess you will know why! And if you ever see someone with their car keys actually stapled to their head say, "Hey, Andie, how's it going"!?!

Cat Pee or My Left Foot...Insanity Realized

Today is all about embracing my inner idiot. We all know I have problems, most of us do, but not all of us are so inclined to share these little idiosyncrasies with the rest of the planet. Okay, maybe not the whole planet, but my teensy weensy little sliver of it. I will never learn my lesson so I'm not even going to bother apologizing for it anymore. I was at a soccer game last night when I noticed a foul odor wafting from my purse. I, being the on top of things person that I am, ignored it. Every once in awhile the stench became so that I couldn't ignore it anymore, so I would ask my family, why does my purse smell like a cat peed in it? I figured one of them would know. They may not tell me, but it was worth a shot. Eventually, I would forget about it and go about my business. This happened periodically through out the evening. Whole weeks can go by like this with me trying to figure something out but getting distracted and not being able to take the time to figure out what the problem is. Luckily this was something I couldn't ignore. This morning, I know, but I put it somewhere I didn't have to smell it all night, I dumped the whole thing out ready to toss it because as everyone knows cat piss smell NEVER goes away. I thought I would try washing it anyway, so I put it in the machine and went to see how the contents were. As I was sifting through the gargantuan mounds of crap that line the bowels of my purse, I see a small plastic bag. I looked more closely and saw that it was Eddie's flower collection. She has a tendency to walk around and collect all of the flowers that have fallen off of my plants, or anyone else's for that matter, the green houses like it when she visits. This is not normally a problem but in this particular collection she had decided to pick up day lilies and for those of you who don't know, while on the plant the flowers smell perfectly lovely but once picked they slowly begin to take on a rancid very much like cat piss stench. I threw the bag away, washed the purse and it is as good as new. At least I think it is, maybe you shouldn't stand too close the next time you see me! Here's another little tidbit to add to my stupidity file. I was getting ready to go on a walk at 6 this morning. When I put my left shoe on, it felt kinda weird like my sock was folded up on itself so I proceeded to take off my shoe and straighten my sock. I put my shoe back on , retied it and continued to get ready. A few minutes later, it still didn't feel quite right, so I took my shoe off again and tried to straighten it again. I think I did this about three or four times. Re-tying the damn thing every time. I finally reached down and felt the side of my foot to see if there was something on it. I realized it wasn't my shoe or my sock that was the problem. Last night I had taken Ed to the park and was pushing her on the swings in my wedges, yes, I know, I am brilliant. Anyway, there was a huge hole under the swing and she wanted an under duck. Instead of just taking off my too high heels, I ran under, she flew up, and I fell down. When I got up the side of my foot was numb. This would be the annoying feeling in my shoe. The fact that I couldn't feel my foot was the feeling. Wow, talk about irony. Once I knew what the problem was I tied my shoes a final time and went on my walk unhindered. One of my many issues is obviously not being able to move forward with anything until I understand why it is the way it is. Wow, talk about damaged goods! Oh well it could always be worse, I could have decided that not being able to feel one of my appendages was reason enough not to go on my walk. At least I have that going for me!

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere!

Today was my appointment with the allergist. Guess what he said to me? "I don't know what could have caused you to itch for ten days straight". No shit Sherlock! That would be why I am here, to find out. I'm pretty sure he was going to send me out of there with nothing but a "allergies are a mysterious affliction" speech until I asked him if it was possible I some how have a new contact allergy and testing for it would mean I could avoid that thing, if possible. He agreed. So, now I have a back full of patches that began to itch before I even left the doctors office. Maybe that's all in my head. I wouldn't be surprised because I have a very active imagination, in case you haven't noticed. I guess there's nothing they can do for seasonal allergies that I am not already doing, no surprise there. Although he did tell me to switch one of my medications. I always find that funny when doctors have 'x' number of reasons why you should take their medication over the one that the previous doctor had given you. All of them seem to think the rest of them are morons. That doesn't give me much hope for the profession as a whole. Anyway, I am willing to try what he says, it can't be any worse than it is now, can it? Don't answer that. Hopefully I will be able to figure out what happened, but I'm not holding my breath because if it was a reaction to an insect or something they won't be able to find out with the testing. Unless you have had three documented cases of getting stung or bit within a year, they can't be sure that was the cause. Some people don't get the luxury of three consecutive cases in a year, they get a reaction sometimes referred to as anaphylactic shock which I hear is no picnic. Yeah, I'm sure that would be better than listening to your patients when they tell you they think they were stung and got a reaction. Oh, but it wasn't documented, so it doesn't count! On the flip side, I really liked the doctor even though he wasn't going to do anything for me until I talked him into it. You wanna know why? After he introduced himself and looked at my chart he said, "You can't be 38. I bet you get that all of the time". I said "No, but thank you"! He was my best friend from then on. I told you I lead a very sheltered life. I will take any compliment thrown at me and be as happy as a lark. He could have told me my allergies were all in my head and I would have smiled and nodded and said, "Okay, you are a doctor, I guess you know best"! Oh, I'm kidding. Even when people are lying to you through their teeth, it is still nice to hear once in a while. It's like when people would compliment me on something I was doing with my kids. One time I was at the mall and I had Gwen, Gus and Max with me. I was at one of the kiddie tables having lunch. I was feeding the two older ones their pizza, eating my Chinese food and discreetly, at least I thought so at the time, nursing Max under a blanket. The next day a teacher from the kids preschool stopped me and said she saw me at the mall and wanted to tell me how impressed she was I was so good with the kids and how calm I was dealing with them. I have since become a little more high strung, but I still relish the fact that someone took the time to let me now they thought I was doing a good job. She didn't have to say anything, I had no idea she was even there. But to this day I am so very glad she did. Little niceties like that are what got me through a lot of stressful times when the kids were young. They aren't as cute now and I don't get compliments any more, but at least I know at one time I was doing a good job and hopefully I still can.

Horoscope Schmoroscope?????

Alright, I'm not one to believe in horoscopes and tarro cards and all that mumbo jumbo, but I'm kind of worried. I have been getting all kinds of weird vibes lately. Kind of like something is about to happen and I might not be very happy when it does. C'mon. Isn't my life complicated enough already? I guess not. The powers that be must want to watch me dance some more. I know I keep saying I realize I have a long journey ahead of me, but does it have to be this hard all of the time?!? How about a tinsy weensey patch of smooth sailing for once? It would be nice if I could just stop listening to them, but I'm wondering if a heads up might help me? I guess I can either ignore the feelings, go about life as normal, and be totally unprepared for some catastrophic event - in my life, obviously, it's not like I am Nostradamus predicting the end of life as we know it or anything. Or, I can listen, worry constantly, and try to brace myself for something that may or may not even happen. I don't know what I am going to do. I do know however, with my track record, it will probably be the wrong thing. Even as I write this I have a feeling of dread I can't shake. Maybe I am just going insane, at least that would be a logical - albeit not very fun - explanation.

Summer has begun. I have not done anything of note except maybe trying to head off the conflicts before they become all out wars. That seems to be a good strategy. It is exhausting and interferes with me getting anything of my own accomplished, but at least it is semi quiet. That is a good thing. Sunday was supposed to be my lucky day. I'm not sure what was so lucky about it but hopefully it was a change for the better. Did that sound convincing?

Haven't Been Out in a While?

Last night we went to the Apollon for dinner. It's been years since I have gone there. I forgot how great of a place that was. The food is so delicious and the service was perfect. I love a restaurant where they actually clear your silverware between courses. That would be my inner princess rearing her spoiled little head. What can I say, a part of me really likes being a princess! I had lemon soup and Moussaka. It was wonderful. Better than you know what...yes, I'm talking... better than chocolate! There aren't many restaurants left that give that kind of service. The waiter was at our table clearing and setting and refilling constantly. I must like being serviced! After our wonderful dinner, we walked down to the theater. We were just in time for our ten o'clock show. I felt like a real grown up. No kids, nice dinner, no curfew. It was heaven. The show was great. I have never been to a comedy show before. I'm pretty sure I sprained my cheek muscles from laughing so much. The show was over by midnight and on the way home I thought it would be fun to stop for dessert and maybe a drink, but since I don't know Appleton very well, we ended up settling for just a drink at Bentley's in Green Bay before heading home. I normally don't stay out that late, but I had a ton of fun. And although Bentley's is a karaoke bar I was able to refrain myself from actually getting up and embarrassing myself on stage. I couldn't, however, refrain from dancing my ass off and embarrassing the crap out of Chip! What can I say, you go with your strengths, right? My strengths being the embarrassing part-not the dancing part-but I'm guessing you already knew that. We stayed until way after close and ended up getting home around three or three-thirty. Sadly we came home to a house with two kids still up. They were trying to break the "staying up record". Or so they say. Max refuses to go to sleep until I am home safe and sound, so he wasn't a surprise. Lex on the other hand was truly just going for the record. The rest were all sleeping soundly. I didn't get up until noon and then went to a movie with Max to thank him for getting along so well and not causing world WWIII while I was gone. Overall, I had a wonderful weekend. Too bad they can't all work out so well. Although if they did, I'd probably be considered an irresponsible, cable watching, food stamp using, child ignoring alcoholic with suicidal tendencies, but that's neither here nor there, right?

What is Your Fit Du Jour?

Peace and quiet. Wow. Didn't see that coming. I was actually able to go to my mom's house this morning. She was raving about a pine cone/lilac combination that was just too beautiful to miss. I just had to come and see. "The colors are so unbelievable!" she says. My mom gets on a tangent and can think of nothing else, that doesn't sound familiar at all, does it? You'd have to know my mom to understand that her requests are more along the lines of orders. Had I not gone, every single day this summer she would have said to me, "Oh, Andrea, you should have seen that pine cone and lilac. They were so beautiful, almost iridescent. Too bad you didn't get out here in time". To be fair, it was a pretty cool pine cone, but I'm not sure it was worth the forty minute drive round trip. Eddie's fit du jour was a little scary. I was in the house when the phone rang. It was Gwen, which was weird because I didn't realize she had left the house. Although, if she's anything like her father, and she is, she could be calling from right outside the door because turning the knob and opening the door would use energy she is not willing to expend. She said "Eddie's on her bike riding to David's house and she won't listen when I tell her to go home". I ran out of the house in my "not made for running" flip flops and down the street two blocks until I could see them. Gwen standing next to a sobbing Eddie who was lying on the side of the road in full fit mode. I was almost to her and she jumped up and ran to me crying that she didn't want me to be mad at her, she was just trying to find Max. She told me she wanted to talk to him and he took off on his scooter and now she missed him. The entire way home I kept asking her why she thought it was okay to leave our street. She just kept saying she wanted Max. I finally got her to agree that she wouldn't leave our street ever again without me. We will have work on that. She seems to think that she is much more capable than the average five year old, obviously. I had sent Gwen to get Max to try to calm Eddie down. When he finally came I asked him what happened. He said Eddie kept following him so he just left to get away from her. I asked him why he didn't just ask her what she needed instead of just taking off. He said, "I don't know". Now, after she was lying in the street and dragged home virtually kicking and screaming, he asked her, "So, what did you want?" She smiled and said she wanted him to take her for a ride on his scooter. We went home to get her helmet. Once around the cul-de-sac and she was happy. We could have saved a lot of time and effort and tears had anyone cared to listen to Eddie when she first started complaining, but what fun would that have been? It's nice that she and Max are so much alike and have so much in common. It is also a little frightening that they are so much alike and have so much in common. Hopefully, I will be a little more prepared the second time around with all of the sensitivity and drama. I just turned a corner with Max and his behavior. Hopefully Eddie's road will be a little less bumpy and her corners a little less sharp. Another of our wait and see situations. Lucky I'm a good driver, eh??? You may stop laughing now.

Castle Builder Wanted

It is the last day of peace and quiet before summer vacation. I am going to miss my partial sanity. I have the highest hopes that this summer will be different from the many, many that came before it. I would like to believe that we will be productive. We will wake every morning with big smiles ready to face a new day...together...all day long. And those smiles will last the duration of the summer. Just being together will be all we will need. The time will fly by as we enjoy all of our well deserved quality time. We all can dream, can't we? I give it three hours before all hell breaks loose. For me, that's very optimistic.

Gus came home today and said, "Hey mom, which room needs to be cleaned the most"? I told him and I also told him I was very impressed that he asked. An hour later, he was no closer to having done any actual work and he asked to go to his friends house. There's always an ulterior motive. I knew his offer was too good to be true. Of course, he proceeded to go to his friends house anyway because I was on my way out and didn't have the time, or energy, to explain why he needed to stay home. He knows enough to wait me out. Had he stayed home he would have probably made every one's life miserable while I was gone anyway. Not really the point, is it?

I am prefacing this by saying I never let the kids have friends in my house while I am gone. Last night, Max called me while I was at his brother's soccer game and asked if his friend could "please come over just for a second to see his new fort in the basement". I said, "No" and he promised it would only be for a second. I said, "Fine but he needs to look and then leave immediately". An hour later, I get a call from Max saying Langston bit his friend. I asked, "What do you mean Langston bit him"? My dog has never bit anyone unless you count nipping while he is playing. I asked how the friend was and Max said fine. I told Max I wanted to talk to Gwen. I asked her how bad it was. She told me the dog had bit into the kids fingernail. I asked her if she cleaned it and bandaged it. She said, "I put a band-aid on it". I told her to tell him to go home right away and and show his mother. Thirty minutes later I get a call from the boy's mother. "Has your dog had his shots???" I told her yes and asked how her child was. She said he's is probably going to lose his finger nail. I told her how terrible I felt and that Langy has never bit anyone before. She said they were probably horsing around and playing too rough and that boys will be boys. I'd like to believe her, we'll have to wait and see. After I got home I asked the kids what had happened. They said the dog was lying under the desk in the living room. The kid kept reaching under the desk trying to pull him out and, as a result, got bit. I'm hoping this was a lesson learned. The kids seem quite solemn about the whole thing. Especially Gwen after I told her it just takes one pissed off mom to get her puppy put down. But, they have duped me many times before with their false apologies and crocodile tears. The no friend rule has now been made absolute. I'm thinking of installing fortress fencing and a moat. Anybody know a good castle builder who works for cheap?

Productive Member of Society or Soccer Mom?

I am seriously wondering what my purpose on this earth is. I think if there was ever a need for a neurotic procrastinating complainer then that would be it. Since no one needs one of those, then what is left for me? They always say, go with your strengths. What if your strengths just annoy people? I have many positive qualities, I'm sure, but without the means to access them in a way as to be a productive member of society, what hope do I have? I am perfectly capable of making lots of cool things. I can cook and paint and fix pretty much anything. I can have fun and laugh and be silly with my kids. I can write and draw and garden. I have so much knowledge up in my brain it is sickening. So, why do I feel like I am not contributing to society? Would it be because I am not using any of that so called "knowledge" to better myself and my situation? How do I go from potential to promise? How can I take my strengths and turn them into productive chunks of actual life changing time? I don't know. I keep saying if I had less negativity around me, I'd be able to do it. I don't know if that is true. I'm sure it would help, but that in and of itself will not be enough. I need to be able to make progress in the situation that I am in. I need to go forward and show myself and anyone else who cares, that I can be productive and self sufficient. Maybe those words "you aren't contributing" bothered me so much because I half believed them myself. What if I am completely dependant on others to survive? What if I went to try to make a go of it and I failed? I have been having so much bad luck lately it's beginning to worry me. I know I have the raw materials, but do I have what it takes to build something with them? My life is like my house, too much crap and not enough organization. I need to focus on what I really want to do and make that my passion. I need to get rid of all of the other crap that is cluttering up my life and then I will be able to focus on a path that will make sense. But, what to throw and what to keep? Another one of my problems. I am a major pack rat even though I realize that if I would just start tossing the effect would be immediate. I would feel like a weight had been lifted and I would be able to breathe again. For some reason it is a very daunting task for me. I will have to just work on it one box at a time and one bad habit at a time and one bad influence at a time until I am rid of all of my baggage. This is going to take a while. Oh well, it's a good thing I am so dependent and don't have to worry about having to support myself anytime soon...at least that's what I've been told!



It was sooooo cold for Max's game last night. I, of course, didn't believe that it was going to be that bad. I did, however, bring a jacket and umbrella, just in case. The field they were playing on looked deceivingly like grass but it was, in fact, a swamp. Every step you took you could hear the water squishing under your shoes. Before the game even started the boys were covered in mud and freezing cold. Every time one of them fell it sounded like a belly flop smacking on the surface of a pool. They would go to kick the crap out of the ball and it would go about a foot and then stick in the mud. They were flying past the balls thinking that the balls were going to go further. It was a fun, but painful, game to watch. I was freezing on the sidelines, I can't even imagine being soaking wet and then having to run through the puddles while everyone on the sidelines keeps shouting at you, "It's just a little water. You'll be fine!" on top of it. Eddie, of course, begged to come along because at Max's games the park is right there so she can play the entire time. She was doing just fine until she came over to talk to us once and the chair she was sitting in tipped forward. She put her hand on the ground to help herself up which, in turn, got her sweatshirt sleeve all wet. She started crying because she doesn't like to be wet and proceeded to take off her sweatshirt. Everyone told her she should put it back on because it was too cold, but you know Ed, she left it there and went off to play. That was about halfway through the game. I don't know if she was just a glutton for punishment or if, for her, being wet is really that much worse than being cold, but she never came back to get warm and she never complained about being cold. This from a girl who cries at the thought of a strong wind blowing on her because she will "freeze". Kids are so interesting. Maybe they think the same about us and that's why they keep doing the things they know will bother us. Maybe we are all each others big science experiment. And, like scientists, we will just keep trying to get reactions until we understand the process. Sadly, we are experimenting on each other, so the variables keep changing and we will never be able to figure out what makes each other tick. At least it keeps it interesting until we finally give up and just let each other live our own lives... eventually! After the game we went to Los to warm up. That was fun until Eddie decided that the entire restaurant needed to hear her rendition of "Sun, Sun, Mister Golden Sun, Please Shine Down On Me". It was time to go. Eddie may think she has the best singing voice on the planet but those people were there for dinner, not dinner and a show, which she failed to understand. After a small scuffle at the mint dispenser, we headed home to warm up and dry off. Another soccer game in the books. Only another thirty-some to go! Yay!

Inanimate Object Versus Animate Object

I don't know if I should be left in charge of children. I don't think someone with my intelligence level is capable of taking care of living, breathing things. Get this, guess what I lost today? My nose ring. How the F do you lose a nose ring?!? Actually it is pretty easy. Any time you wipe your nose your ring is in danger. It is in a very precocious spot during nose blowing or wiping. I have, on more than one occasion, found said ring teetering on a tissue ready to be thrown away forever. That ring and I have been on a bumpy ride together. I am very surprised it lasted this long. I got my nose pierced in 2002 for Mother's Day. I had always wanted one and I figured at age thirty-one I could do whatever I damn well pleased! I never regretted it, even now when every little sixteen year old who walks by has one. I like the way it looks. And this way, when my kids are rebelling, they won't get a nose ring because it is too uncool - their mom has one! Pretty smart, eh? Yeah, I know, my kids will be one of the few people on earth who won't do the opposite of what their parents did and they will all come home with piercings of one kind or another just so I can be proven wrong. Anyway, my nose ring and I were getting along just fine until I went to my friend Jon's funeral in 2003. I was mourning at his casket saying my final good-byes when I blew my nose into a tissue. Pretty normal stuff for a funeral, right? Suddenly I realized the ring was gone. I looked at Jon and could almost see him smirking at me. I swore if my ring were in his casket I would die of embarrassment. If Jon had the ability, he would have been laughing his ass off. I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible as I looked around for it. After what felt like an eternity, I finally found it lying on the floor under the casket. I reached down and grabbed it. I have no idea what people thought I was doing, but no one ever asked me, so hopefully they didn't notice me scrounging around under there or they were just too polite to say anything. Then, a couple of years later, I was just sitting around the house and I absentmindedly blew my nose and went about whatever I was doing at the time. Awhile later I realized it was gone and I started freaking out - like my mom when she loses her contact lens. I was like "Okay, I'm not moving, look around me on the floor. It's gotta be around here somewhere". And it was... in my bra. It must have fallen in and just sat there until I found it - kinda like my mom's contact lens! The third time was more recently, a few months ago I was at a bar and all of a sudden I was like, "shit"! I think I sat there for about thirty minutes, saying to myself, "If I don't' move too far, I will find it". And I did!!! It was just sitting there on the floor waiting to be found. I took it home and sanitized the shit out of it. It was good as new - smile and nod. But this time I'm afraid I won't be seeing my old friend again. I did what I swore I would never do, I blew my nose and never even thought about my nose ring. I was on my walk this afternoon when I noticed it was gone. At least a half an hour and a few trips through the house to get various things I needed for my walk had gone by. I don't think I am lucky enough to find it in my bra this time. Oh well, it was a good ring. I will miss her and all of the good times we spent together. Point being, if I can't take care of all of the inanimate objects in my life like rings and car keys and my tiny little hair clips that I keep losing, what hope is there for my kids? Is it just a matter of time before I misplace one of them too? I have always had that fear. I've had dreams where I'd leave the house with the baby belted into her car seat but she was on top of the car. Or I would be shopping and I would come home with the car filled with tons of packages and bags but when the it was unloaded, one of the kids was missing. To this day I have to count my kids about a thousand times a day and if I don't get to five I panic, if only for a second, until I figure out where the hell they all are. Maybe all of the time I spend worrying about losing my kids uses up all of my inanimate object keeping track of ability. I guess the children would be the better choice of what to put my obviously limited mental capacity towards. This story wouldn't be nearly as amusing if I were talking about how Eddie had fallen out of my nose and we would miss her because I had thrown her out with the trash...or maybe it would!

It's 45 Degrees...Let's Go To Bay Beach!!!

We went to Bay Beach today. Eddie had a birthday party there. Lex had a birthday party at a friends house. I thought the invitations both said 11am so I asked Chip to bring Lex and I would take Eddie. The boys had a friend sleep over last night. I threw all of them in the car and went to Bay Beach thinking it would be a nice distraction for the boys and I could still be there in case I needed to watch Eddie. I wasn't sure how many kids would be there and if I needed to stay or not. We arrived at 11am and went to the playground to look for the party. I couldn't find any one I knew, so I looked at the invitation again. It said the party started at 1pm. So, now we are sitting at Bay Beach in the freezing cold with a little girl in a party dress and no sweater because her mother never takes the time to listen to the weather. I figured it was pointless to go home and wait until 1 for the party. I went the the gift shop and bought a little pink sweatshirt, for Eddie, not me, although I was tempted! The boys, by the way, were all in t-shirts and shorts, but they wouldn't admit they were cold, which was fine with me 'cause the sweatshirts were nineteen dollars a pop. I told the boys to go nuts on the rides. I, of course had fancy shoes on and after about ten minutes of sitting I couldn't feel my toes anymore. Eventually it was late enough to see if the party was going to be going on, so I went over to the park. They were there and I explained what had happened and she offered to take Eddie home for me so I could go get Lex from his party and thaw out my toes! Chip and the boys wanted to stay for awhile. I can't imagine why. They ended up getting Lex for me, which was nice. I went to my parents house to drop some stuff off. I don't think I have been able to go there without any kids in months. We talked for awhile. I fixed their TV. Someone keeps deleting all of their local channels and it freaks them out. Every time I said I was going to go, my mom said, "Oh no, your not leaving yet"! I think she knows I need a break. I should take full advantage of time without the kids when I have the chance, but you know me, I'm obviously a martyr and can't just relax. I had to see if the kids were okay even though I know full well that if they weren't my cell phone would be ringing non stop. I swear people are never happy. I keep saying I need some time alone and when I get it, I'm in such a hurry to get back to the chaos that is my life. Maybe I am destined to be miserable. Maybe this is as good as it is ever going to get and I just need to accept that fact and move on. I think the weather is talking for me. The next sunny day I will be so positive everyone will just want to smack me. Until then I think I will have to contemplate my lot in life and see if I truly am the root cause of my own unhappiness. Who knows? Everyone has faults, maybe mine are so faulty they are interfering with my perspective. I have been told more than once lately that I am being defensive and unreasonable. I will have to investigate this further and report back. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the few minutes of kid free time I have left. Never mind, time's up!

Fun? At a Soccer Game?!?

Okie dokie, life sucks the big one, but since I am not allowed to voice my true feelings, I am going to just swallow all of my anger and keep it buried deep inside until I literally explode in a few years. If I cared enough, then that would be my fate, but I choose when I am going to be made to feel bad about myself, not anyone else. It does not matter what anyone says to me, I don't have to let it get to me. In order for their words to hurt, I have to respect their opinions. If you are a follower why would I want to follow you? Leaders are to be followed not cowardly echoers who couldn't have an original thought to save their lives. Wow, I bet that would be pretty close to my true feelings. I guess I'll just sit here and wait for the lightening to strike me down. Oh, and by the way, I was informed that I am not contributing. Until I can show a paycheck I am not to spend time doing anything except what is needed for the family. Yeah, right...I'll take that under advisement.

I had a blast at Lex's soccer game today! I didn't really watch the game. I'm not even sure how Lex even did, other than he was goalie for the other teams lone goal. That's my boy! Knowing Lex, he probably thought that score was the best part of the game. He is really not very competitive. I shaved his head this afternoon and I can't tell him apart from the rest of the team. I swear at least half of them have blond hair and they are all wearing yellow and they keep running around. I got confused. It was a beautiful day. Eddie was actually very cordial to Aunt Jackie and Uncle Dave. She was talking up a storm which has not been her M.O. lately... obviously. I have a feeling it was because they had their dog Augie along. She loves dogs. The rest of the time she was occupied playing with two other little girls. Yay! She is adorable but she never stops talking. It was nice to get a tiny respite. I was able to have some adult conversation. One of the other fathers and I talked for most of the game. It's funny how little things can make me happy. People say, "Look, there's Andie, she'll be your friend forever if you just talk to her for a few minutes! She's so tired of playing house and commenting on doll hairstyles and coloring 'just a few more' pretty pictures". Pretty sad, eh? Oh well, I'll take what I can get and run with it. At least I'm not the crazy lady across the field bitching about the refs and screaming at her kid to hustle. I may not have watched a whole lot of the game, but I was there and that's what counts, right? Oh, just smile and nod, we don't want to set off my mom guilt again, do we?

Will Work for Food...Curious???

Curiosity killed the cat. Is that a fair statement? Curiosity in and of itself is a good thing. We cannot learn anything without it. It's what we do with our curiosity that matters. So, say the cat wanted to know why the other cats didn't like her. Sitting around wondering wasn't getting her anywhere. So, out of curiosity, she leaves the safety of her home and tries to find other cats to play with. She discovers that there are other cats out there that really like her and she has lots of fun with these other cats. She was positively affected by her curiosity. I don't know about you, but I think curiosity is the cat's salvation. So eventually the cat dies from a curiosity related incident but the cat had nine lives worth of fun before the dreaded curiosity finally got her.

Eddie and I were leaving Sam's (I know - shocking!!) today and as we drove past the corner there was a man standing with a sign on him that said 'will work for food'. I said to Eddie "Look, that man will work for food, maybe you should have given him your pizza instead of taking two bites and then refusing to eat anymore". "Why would he want my pizza"? she said. "Some people don't have enough money for food and they need to ask other people for help" I replied. She continued, "I'd give someone my pizza but it would have to be a girl". I smiled and said, "There are lots of girls who need food too". She asked, "Well ,why can't they just go to the bank and get money"? I explained to her that banks don't give people money, they hold people's money until they need it. You still have to work in order to make the money you would put in the bank. Some people have lost their jobs and can't make enough money to support their families. So, she says, "That guy on the corner, did he make up his own job"? "Well, if you can call standing on the street corner holding a sign that says 'will work for food' a job, then yes, I guess he did" I retorted. Quick as a whip she says, "Well, then he is his own boss and he should give himself a raise".

The Joys of Motherhood

Soccer season. I love it. I hate it. It is fun to watch, but getting all of the kids to the correct fields at the right times is a bit of a challenge. I'm at Eddie's game. After her first practice I wasn't sure how this was going to go. I was really worried after the melt down at the Time Sucking Black Hole that is Walmart about a half an hour ago. Her brother and she were both trying to load up a giant box of Gatorade into my cart and Lex knocked her down and then proceeded to step on her with his cleats. He didn't see anything wrong with his tactics. He was victorious in the now infamous battle of the Stronger Gatorade Lifter of 2009. We, of course had just finished checking out and Eddie parked herself and her fluffy pink dress right in the middle of the checkout aisle and refused to move. She was screaming her most convincing scream and kept looking at me to see if I was going to help her. I moved my cart out of the way, told Lex that he needed to chill out and bent down to pick her up as gracefully as I could manage with her in that gigantic pink dress which wasn't very graceful - believe it or not. The man behind us in line was not very impressed either. I was hoping I could finally be one of those mothers who could take her kids to the store and hold her head high while her children stood next to her well behaved and polite. They aren't going to be sending my membership card any time soon. Not with children as melodramatic as Eddie and Lex. They are their own Broadway show. I swear they could probably sell out the Met for one of their little performances. I heaved the ever-growing five year old into the over sized cart that she had insisted on riding in. I think she thought it looked like a carriage or something. All I cared about at the time was the fact that she wouldn't be running free through the store because that is never a good idea. We had a whole thirty minutes to get in and out of the store which, as I've said before, is just not possible at a place like Walmart. It took us fifty. I eventually got Lex to his game. He was ten minutes late for warm ups, but had plenty of time before his game actually started. I left him there after telling him I would try to be back in time for part of his game, but if I wasn't I'd be there soon. He ran off to join his team. Eddie and I went over to her park for her game. We pulled into the parking lot and she started complaining that she couldn't get her socks on. Then she said she had to go potty. I told her there was a porta potty. She saw her best friend out the window and said she wanted to go play with Rachel. I said, "I thought you had to go potty"? She said she wanted to go to the playground first. I said she had to go to the field because everyone else was there. She left the car and went straight to the park. No one else was there by then so she came over to the field. I asked her again if she had to go potty. She said she'd wait. When the game started, she went right in. She was on offense and having a great time. Close to the end of the first half, she scored a goal. She was very excited. The third quarter the coach sat her out and when the fourth quarter began the coach called her and when she started to go on the field all of the people on the sidelines started calling out her name. She got about half way started crying and ran back to me. She said she was scared because everyone was yelling at her. I tried to explain they weren't yelling at her, they were cheering her on, but she wasn't going for it. I tried to persuade her the entire quarter to go back out, but no such luck. I told her that if she wasn't going to play we were going to have to leave and she picked up her stuff and just started walking away. The game ended and her coach ran after her to tell her what a good job she did and when she saw him she started running to the car. The coach came back and said "You have quite a little soccer player there". I said, "Yeah if you can keep her on the field, that is"! I went to the car and she was ready to go. She said she didn't believe me that those people thought she was doing a good job. She said they were all yelling at her. Crap. I don't know why she finds this all so amusing. It's like she suddenly has an audience and she is going to perform every chance she gets. This is going to be a long season. Hopefully she will figure out that she is not the center of the universe before she sends her mother into the "My Child Has Embarrassed Me So Thoroughly I Can't Show My Face in This City Anymore" relocation program. If anyone can do it, I'm betting she can. Well, hopefully Eddie doesn't show up at the next game with her new guardian 'Olga' who is in no way shape or form any relation to her mom. Any similarities would be purely coincidental. Eventually she will have the confidence to play an entire game and when she does I will be very happy for her and relieved for me. It's funny how when it is your child acting up it seems so much worse than it should. I mean every one's kids have their moments. But when it's yours you feel like everyone is judging you and watching every decision you make. In reality they are probably much too busy dealing with their own children, or something else, to even notice. And even if they do, they are probably sympathizing with you and not judging. I choose to ignore most, if not all, of the looks and remarks. If I didn't I would probably be lying in the fetal position on the floor of my closet sucking my thumb babbling about pink rabbits. I have obviously given this some thought! At least she keeps me from worrying about less important things like needing to pick up her brother. After her display, I was so distraught, I started going home without Lex. Eventually I remembered him and even got to the field before he could possibly have known that I forgot. He doesn't need to know about that little detail, right? He has enough ammunition on me already. An hour after we got home Eddie started complaining that she had to go potty. She was upset that I didn't tell her to go when we got home. Oh, the joys of motherhood!

Keeper Pile

I'm in the car on my way back to Wautoma. My sisters and I are going to lunch with our aunts and mom. I don't know why we don't do this more often. Life is too short to not spend time with your family. I know we all have lots of things going on in our lives, but we always will. Whatever is important at any given time will consume us if we let it. Time has to be made for family. When I was little we were always visiting one relative or another. I didn't know any different. At the time it was fun and I cherish all of the weekends I spent with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I remember my mom never wanting to go because we were always running around to one person's house or another. She didn't work and pretty much just had to show up for social functions and family functions. The social ones she lived for, the family ones, not so much. I don't know how my parents did all the stuff they did while I was growing up because they are not any more organized than I am. I think they just went with the flow and did things because that is what was expected of you. My husband's family avoids each other at all costs. It is really easy to fall into the rut of not going anywhere when you have been told for fifteen years that spending time with family is too much of a hassle and your children are too much trouble when taken outside of the house. I don't know why I even care what anyone else thinks because I am the one who is responsible for all of it. If I want my kids to have any memory of their family outside of the walls of our house then I just need to do what I know is best and show up for every family function whether I want to or not and let the memories make themselves. I am sure that all of my fond memories as a child were not necessarily good memories at the time. Time seems to mend memories. That trip where all your family did was bicker the entire time becomes one of your favorite vacation memories because of one small thing that happened and made everything up to that point seem insignificant. Those are the times when you know you are a family and you are stuck with each other whether you like it or not - so you better just make the most of it! I'm going to cut myself some slack because, to be fair, my childhood memories are from a time in my parents lives when their kids were all older than mine are now. I am going to strive to make sure that, now that I don't have little tiny kids, we are going to take every opportunity we can to make memories. Hopefully by the time my kids are parents even the "so-so" memories will have made it into the "keeper" pile.

Lunch was wonderful. We had great food and even better conversation. I forgot how fun my family can be. They rarely get upset with each other and are genuinely interested in each others well being. I know that sounds like a too obvious statement, but I know families where they are only interested in trying to upset each other's well being by ridiculing and belittling every little thing that is said by anyone. I have no patience for people who feel the need to put others down just so they can feel superior. Anyway, like I was saying, my family isn't like that. After lunch we went flower shopping. That was a blast. We found all kinds of stuff we "needed". They had to pack us into the car along with our flowers! Then we went back to my aunts house to say our good-byes. It's funny, all the times I go to my side of the families functions I rarely hear the same story twice. I don't know if they remember all the stories they have told and are careful not to repeat themselves, or maybe they just have so much more going on in their lives that they don't feel the need to rehash the same old stories over and over again. Anyway, I heard new stories and we had lots of time to make new memories. We were all talking about how we will have to get together again soon - maybe in Florida. I hope that will happen. I'd like to think that positive thoughts will get us a few more great times together. We'll just have to wait and see. Meanwhile, I'm glad I can add one more wonderful memory to my "keeper" pile!

Aunt Joyce

My Aunt Joyce is in the middle of her third bout with ovarian cancer in as many years. She is such an inspiration. I can't believe her drive and determination. It has to be so disheartening to hear over and over again that you need to endure yet another round of treatment for a disease that you have so little control over. I mean if someone has diabetes they can try to improve their diet and exercise and increase their chances of living a pretty normal and happy life. High blood pressure, work on your stress levels and eats less salt. High cholesterol? No more steak for you! But this whole cancer thing sucks. There are lots of things someone can do to try to improve their odds, but the bottom line is that unless that cancer feels like slinking away like the coward that it is. It's going to just keep coming back whenever it damn well pleases. It's like a drunk brother in law who keeps showing up at your doorstep in the middle of the night begging you to let him stay, just this once.You can't let him because he won't stop. You can never give up and you need to just tell yourself that the odds are just that, odds. They can be beat. Not that I would know anything about being so brave and determined but I imagine if you have nothing left but faith, you figure out a way for that to be enough. For a woman who's been to hell and back health wise she looks great. She is going in for a treatment on Tuesday and her sister came up from Florida to spend some time with her. We were all there this weekend to go to my cousin's high school graduation. It was a lot of fun. The time spent with my relatives - not necessarily that spent with my little branch of the family tree, but they weren't too bad. I have had much worse experiences on trips and in hotels with my kids. Tomorrow my sisters and I will drive back here to have lunch with my three aunts and my mother. I'm not sure we have ever done that before. We always have kids or husbands or some special occasion to prepare for. I wasn't planning on having any kids, but my sitter fell through and I am going to have to take Ed. Hopefully she will not mind having to miss a day of school. With all of that blond hair she needs all of the school she can get, you know. It's too bad we don't do this kind of thing more often. There are always excuses. Perfectly fine reasons we cannot possibly take time out of our busy schedules. Those obligations will still be there and we will always have time for excuses later. In the meantime I am going to spend time with my family even if it may be inconvenient for some people. The amount of time spent on this earth is negligible to the quality of time spent with those we love. We have a lot of great memories and I am looking forward to making some more in these next few days. Love you Aunt Joyce!

Night Out Turns Into a Really, Really Long Next Day

I don't have any idea what the hell is wrong with me. Sometimes I can be such a dumb ass. Quite often, actually. I think I have fried my brain cells beyond repair. Why do I ever trust anyone? Really, truly, I should never do that. You would think you know someone forever you should be able to trust them. I've known myself for forever and I can't trust myself, so why would I trust someone who isn't, in fact, me? Quandary. Questions without answers. Questions that should never be asked. Seriously, why should I even care? 'Ya know what? I don't care. Okay, I still care, but whatever. Nothing can be done about it now, right? Right. Moving on...


I went out last night. Had a blast again. It's nice to just go out and not have to worry about losing anything as important as a child or something. I still have to worry about losing shit because I am just that stupid. I can't for the life of me figure out what happened to my ring. I don't remember taking it off and I have no idea when it went missing. But it is gone. I am usually very aware of where my jewelry is at any given time but, alas, last night even this simple task escaped me. Oh well, I guess, live and learn and then superglue your rings onto your fingers. I, like an idiot, stayed up most of the night and then this morning I packed up stuff for my entire family while listening to them argue about how they didn't want to go. No, now they do want to go but they don't want someone else to go. Oh, they don't want to go anymore and dad has to stay home with them so I can just go by myself. I can't go by myself! Why was I going to leave and go to a hotel without them? Holy crap. I tried to ignore as much as possible and by the time I was actually ready to leave they were all in the car waiting patiently. Amazing. I swear they are just trying to get me upset and when they do it's a free for all. It ends up being a complete waste of my time and energy. I know, I should have learned that lesson way before now, and I have - kind of. It's just a really hard lesson to learn and it's even harder to practice religiously. So, anyway, we left town and headed for Wautoma for our cousin's high school graduation. We checked into our hotel and did not get to the party until like three o'clock. The kids swam the entire time we were there and ended up being even crabbier afterwards. We were supposed to go over to my aunt's house too, but on the way the kids disagreed about whether or not they all wanted to go, so none of them went and they wouldn't let me go so, we all stayed in the hotel room. My kids, along with their father, can sit in front of the TV for hours at a time. That is what they are all doing as we speak. Okay, that's not fair, they are playing cards too, but only during commercials. The games take a little longer that way. I think it's about time for me to get some sleep. Looks like exhausted blogging trumps even drunk blogging on the "things not to do no matter how much you might think you want to do them" list, who knew?